Alternative Thoughts About Attention Deficit Disorder - Thoughts About Attention Deficit Disorder

Written by HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer

David: So then, under your theory, what separates the ADD from the non-ADD child? I mean, both can be emotionally traumatized in life, and it is these traumatic life experiences creates identical behaviors.

Dr. Mate: Yes, many people are traumatized who don't have ADD, in fact, some are traumatized much more than the average ADD child. However, we do have to recognize that ADD children do suffer from emotional pain, that this pain happened to them not because they weren't loved, but because, perhaps, parents were themselves overstressed and didn't quite know how to relate to the child's extremely sensitive nature. If this stress occurred during the first few crucial years of brain development, it would have affected how the child's brain circuits, connections and chemistry,-developed. So now the question is, as I keep stressing, is how to promote healthy development.

Keatherwood: My son has ADHD, Tourettes, ODD and OCD. We've found that when they treated one thing, the medications make something else worse. He has been in therapy most of his life, but finally turned to drugs. Are these kids more prone to drug use. The treatment center he's in says that many of their kids are ADHD?

Dr. Mate: ADD individuals are more prone than average to engage in addictive behaviors. I have a chapter on that, in which, I discuss my own addictive tendencies. They are also more prone to become substance addicted, particularly to caffeine, nicotine, cannabis, and cocaine.

DaveUSNret: I can back up Keatherwood's comment, many of my own Drug/Alcohol clients were diagnosed as ADD.

KDG: There is still guilt even if ADHD is genetic. After all, I have clearly passed it along to my son.

motheroftacha: For what it is worth, I do not cop-out. I read and try to understand her. What touches me about Dr. Mate, is that what he says about how it feels to live like this, is frequently in my mind about her with love and caring. I get it that she doesn't have control over much of what she does, and we work to help that.

missypns: A more positive approach is simply looking at how the child is able to understand the information, rather than insisting that they take what is given just because it is the way it is done, it makes life a lot simpler for everyone involved.

kellie1961_ca: I find out the medications work every well. My son is doing great in school a year ago he was getting C's and D's in school, now he gets A's and B's.

Krissy1870: I am halfway through your book and it has already helped, but it is still hard dealing with both her ADHD and mine.

hrtfelt33: My child will not tell me when something is wrong and he does not act out, how can you get a child to talk to you when they won't?

Dr. Mate: The first question we have to ask is "why doesn't our child talk to us." After all, all infants are very vocal about letting us know when they are unhappy and uncomfortable. If a child then closes down as he/she gets older, it's because somehow, completely inadvertently, we have given the message that we have difficulty accepting what they are telling us, their anger, their unhappiness, etc.

So what we have to do is to rebuild that trusting relationship which existed when he/she screamed as an infant when they were uncomfortable, knowing that we would take care of them. We don't do that through words and promises. We do it by daily demonstrating to them that we fully accept them, regardless of what is happening. I can't say much more about that in this short space, but that's the idea. Unconditional love.

David: ADD children tend to be unmotivated. You say much of what parents are told about motivating children is self-defeating. What would you suggest as the best ways to motivate your child to improve him/herself in different aspects of their lives?

Dr. Mate: I have a chapter on motivation. Motivation cannot come from the outside, which is why rewards and punishments always backfire in the end. Motivation has to come from within, and human beings who feel good about themselves are naturally and intrinsically motivated. So the thing is, to build the child's self-love through how we love them. Then they will develop motivation on their own.

solo: My daughter is eighteen, and has only recently been diagnosed with ADD. Her school said she was lazy and they only tested her for her IQ (which was l46). The test did show that she had a learning disability. She is constantly frustrated and never follows-thru. She feels that I am the source of her problems, because I do keep on her constantly. How, or what, can I do to help her understand her disability?

Dr. Mate: It's very difficult to help an eighteen year old who basically, just wants us to leave her/him alone. My first advice to parents in such a situation, is to back off, to take a deep breath, and not to inflict our anxiety on our nearly-adult child. I know it may sound self-serving, but I believe there is a lot in my book that would help you understand your daughter and help you to take a more constructive approach. Certainly, our judgments and unasked for advice, only increases the resistance and oppositionality. Again, I suggest you may wish to go to my website and begin by downloading the chapter on oppositionality. It's very important not to keep aggravating that.

ryansdad: Dr. Mate, my son is ADHD and bipolar and so far none of the medications have worked that good. I have an appointment to check with a new doctor, who does brain mapping. She say's that is 98% accurate. What do you know about this procedure?

Dr. Mate: It can be quite helpful, in pointing towards the right medication.