Alternative Thoughts About Attention Deficit Disorder - Alternative Thoughts About ADHD

Written by HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer

Carolina Girl: So how do we eliminate "stresses" from school, work, and even play in this busy world?

Dr. Mate: We can't eliminate all stresses. What we can try to do is that within the family, we begin with an understanding, open-minded, and compassionate attitude. Now for example, being an ADD adult, I used to be quite a workaholic doctor. I still have those tendencies. However, I realize, given the sensitive nature of my children (we still have a twelve year old at home) that if I am to reduce the stress in her life, I have to say "no" to things and reduce the stress in mine. That's just one example.

DaveUSNret: My stepson was originally diagnosed with ADD. We later found that he had, in fact, a high IQ and was bored with school. Once he had an intellectual challenge, the problem resolved itself. How many kids get this wrong diagnoses?

Dr. Mate: I think many do. We tend to forget that kids have other reasons, besides ADD, why they may not be paying attention (i.e. rigid and boring school routines). They could also be too interested in their peers to pay attention to what adults want. It's not all ADD.

Krissy1870: I have such a difficult time with my own ADHD, that it makes having patience with my child, who also has ADHD, almost impossible sometimes.

Dr. Mate: I have a chapter called "Like Fish In The Sea." This means, as a psychologist once told me, that "kids swim in their parents unconscious like fish in the sea." ADD kids are highly sensitive to their parents' emotional states. There is no way to help them, unless we first develop an attitude of compassionately seeking help for ourselves.

munsondj: Dr. Mate, how do you feel about using natural approaches to ADD as opposed to traditional medicines?

Dr. Mate: Truth to tell, I do not know much about them. I have had some parents tell me they have had success with various herbal remedies, etc., but for the most part I have not been impressed. However, I have nothing against them, so long as they are not harmful, and most are not. Again, for me the major issue is not what substances, medications, or otherwise, we wish to use, but how do we create the right conditions for our children to develop.

David: Some audience members would also like to know if you think there's a relationship between ADD and diet?

Dr. Mate: As I mentioned, these children are highly sensitive. I think that is what is genetic here. They certainly tend to have, on the average, more allergies, eczema, asthma, frequent ear infections, etc. This means they also are more sensitive to whatever they happen to ingest. Certainly, they tolerate low or high levels of blood sugar very poorly. However, I don't think diet by itself can either cause, or cure, ADD.

ahowey: This doesn't seem to be helping at all. My child is now sixteen and was diagnosed at seven. No one has any answers for us that work. Schools and teachers are only supportive for so long, and then it is the same thing. They say he is lazy and won't do the work. How can I talk to schools that only seem to talk and think like the left-brained people?

Dr. Mate: Well, it's difficult for me to comment on individual cases, without knowing a lot of the particular details. Dealing with schools is extremely frustrating (that's another chapter in my book). Furthermore, I used to be a school teacher myself, so I know what schools are like, they want to assume that everyone has the same kind of brain, when the truth is that we don't. The best thing is for the parents to completely understand and accept their child, and this will fortify him to deal with the rest of the world. Some teachers are open and can be talked with, others are quite rigid and closed. I don't have an easy answer to your important question.

David: In our ADD community, click on "The Parent Advocate" site. There's a lot of good info there.

munsondj: Dr. Mate, how do you suggest we handle the behavior of these children?

KDG: How do you punish, you can't just ignore behavior that is hurtful to other children.

Dr. Mate: Punishments simply do not work. They do not teach anything, except they make the child feel more embittered. A child who is hurting other children needs to be removed from that environment, but not in a punitive fashion. If we emotionally connect with these kids, and they are desperately hungry for that, their anger and their hostility abates. The main thing is is to recognize that aggression, hostility are only symptoms of emotional insecurity and a sense of frustration and rejection: the behaviors are only the symptoms, not the underlying problem. We have to understand the emotional dynamics behind the "bad" behaviors and not be focused on changing the behaviors themselves. As the child heals emotionally, the "bad" behaviors automatically stop. They are only symptoms.

David: Just to clarify, you are saying most children with ADD act out, as do "normal" children, because the lack something, emotionally. Furthermore, you are suggesting it's important for the parent to give that child what it needs on an emotional basis?

Dr. Mate: Exactly. Look at that phrase "act out." What does it mean? It means precisely that the child cannot directly express his emotions in word, so he acts them out. If he is angry, instead of saying so, he will act it out in the form of hostile behavior. So, we need to respond not to the behavior, but to the emotionally hurting child who is sending us a message but acting out his emotions in ways he himself does not understand. It's our job to understand him. That's what I emphasize throughout "Scattered."