Advice and Insights for Parents of Children with ADHD

Written by HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer

Brandi Valentine is our guest. When it comes to ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), Brandi Valentine, sitemaster of ADHD News, went through the school of hard knocks. She shares her home and school experiences of raising 2 ADHD children, so you don't have to learn everything the hard way.

David is the HealthyPlace.com moderator.

The people in blue are audience members.

Conference Transcript

David: Good Evening. I'm David Roberts. I'm the moderator for tonight's conference. I want to welcome everyone to HealthyPlace.com. Our topic tonight is "Children with Attention Deficit Disorder". Our guest is Brandi Valentine of ADHD News and mother of 2 ADHD children.

Good evening Brandi. Welcome to HealthyPlace.com and thank you for being our guest tonight. You have one boy and one girl. How old are they now? And can you tell us a little about them in relation to them having Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?

Brandi Valentine: Hi everyone! I have one girl, now 15 who has ADD inattentive type, and one boy, age 12 who has ADHD

David: How would you characterize the level of severity of their ADHD symptoms?

Brandi Valentine: My daughter does not suffer from any problems with hyperactivity, but has lots of problems with focus and attention, organization, etc. Her ADD symptoms are rather mild in one respect, yet cause a lot of problems for her, on a day-to-day basis. This problem has caused a lot of issues with class work, projects due, etc., and it is causing some problems already in the high school setting.

My son, has severe ADHD and until this year, he's been in special education classes in a self-contained classroom. His behavior is okay 99 % of the time, but his issues lie with learning disabilities that interfere with his ability to process information and function as other children.

David: And are you married or are you a single parent?

Brandi Valentine: I have been a single parent until just recently. I married in May of this year. I am married to a great guy with ADHD.

David: Do you live in a large town, with a large school district? Or is it a medium or small-sized community?

Brandi Valentine: I lived in a large city with a large school district up until June of 98. I have now moved into a small foothill community with a much smaller school population for elementary and middle school children.

David: As I said earlier, we invited Brandi to be our guest because she has experienced it all and we thought it might be helpful for her to share her positive and not-so-positive experiences with others, so that you wouldn't have to learn everything the hard way.

So the first thing I'd like to address are school issues. Briefly, in general, how have school officials responded to your concerns regarding your children?

Brandi Valentine: In the beginning, they didn't respond well at all. Every problem my son was having was "my fault" and my responsibility to fix. Since I became educated on my rights and the school's responsibilities, I have very few problems with the schools in getting services for my children.

David: I'm assuming when your children were in elementary school, there wasn't much information out there about ADD-ADHD. How did you respond when the school administration came to you and said everything was your problem, your fault?

Brandi Valentine: You are correct, there was very little information on ADD/ADHD when James was diagnosed in 1993.

When they first told me my child was "psychotic", I was overwhelmed with guilt and, of course, in an effort to do everything I could for my child, I listened to everything the professionals had to say. I had no idea, at the time, that the "professionals" didn't have a clue. I feel very badly about some of the things I was a part of during my son's kindergarten year. I feel that they caused me to help contribute to the problem by not being informed professionals about ADD/ADHD.

I trusted them, went along with their demands and contributed to the problems. Foolishly, I felt that these people, who were trained in the handling of children and issues related to education, were giving me the best advice available.

At the time, James had not been diagnosed. They said James was psychotic. Having had an abusive relationship with his father, there was lot of guilt on my part as I felt I had caused these problems. So again, in an effort to do everything I could for my child, I listened to these people, took their "wisdom" and training to heart and went along with their ideas.

In looking back, I believe that a lot of the problems stemmed from their assumption that my son's problems were due to poor parenting. And the fact they didn't want to deal with his issues and needs and, instead, placed the problem at my feet to deal with.

David: So what would you recommend to parents who find themselves in a similar situation today?

Brandi Valentine: If I had the opportunity to do it over again, my advice would be this:

1. Find out WHY your child is having these problems. Do this by asking the school to do the testing that is available at their end and also have your pediatrician do whatever testing he/she recommends.

2. KNOW YOUR RIGHTS! AND THE SCHOOL'S RESPONSIBILITIES! I believe that school professionals rely on their "authority" as professionals to get parents to do as they ask without question. I have learned to question everything until I am satisfied that the professional talking to me is knowledgeable and working in the best interest of my child.

3. Be involved! I am in contact with my children's teachers on a regular basis. I don't usually wait for them to come to me with a problem. I stay in touch and make sure that they understand that I am available if there are any problems or concerns.