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Page 1 of 2 A mother of an ADD child has 19 helpful suggestions for parenting a child with Attention Deficit Disorder and coping with the challenges.
A Mother's Point of View
The following is a compilation of personal thoughts and ideas derived from several years experience raising my son, an interesting, delightful, and lovable child, acquired by using common sense, seeking education, and making mistakes in the on-going process of coming to understand Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), my child, and myself.
1. Educate yourself about Attention Deficit Disorder.
The biggest fear for a parent is the fear of the unknown. Parents cannot do what is necessary for their child unless they have done their homework. Educate yourself about what ADD is and about what you can realistically do to help your ADHD child.
2. Work cooperatively with your child's teachers, school administrators, special learning consultants or school boards when necessary.
Ideally, the school and family should work as a team. Request mutually agreed upon contact with teachers on a regular basis to compare how your child is doing both at home and at school and to help each other problem solve when appropriate. Your child can also be involved in this communication. Forms of communication can include brief notes, assignment sheets to be signed at home, telephone calls and prearranged meetings. It is important to identify and resolve problems before they escalate.
3. Educate others and advocate for your child.
Inform the school and teachers about good books or conferences on the subject. Provide articles or books to schools. Don't count on your child's school or schools of education to adequately educate teachers or future teachers about ADD. For many teachers, it's a relief to find out from parents what's wrong with their students and to learn alternative approaches (when necessary) that can help these children learn.
4. When first learning about ADD, it can be helpful to talk with parents who have been raising a child diagnosed with ADD for a while.
They can offer the perspective of time and they may not be feeling anxious as a parent whose child is newly diagnosed.
5. Get acquainted with other parents who have children with ADD.
Either join/form a support group or find a friend with whom you can communicate your concerns. It can feel lonely to be the only one who has a child with ADD.
6. You may not be able to keep your anxieties from your child.
Feelings of anxiety are usually shared by others in your family anyway, including your child. Therefore, it is essential to find a way to acknowledge these feelings, to let your child know that something will be done to help him/her and that someone (an adult) is in control.
7. Allow yourself the time you need to grieve.
With the exception of a parent who has adopted an older child already diagnosed as having ADD, no parent expects their child will have ADD. We grieve the loss of our expectations and fantasy child. Reaching the point of accepting our child's differences and special needs requires going through a process during which it is normal for intense, angry and painful feelings to surface intermittently. Do not be hard on yourself whenever these feelings arise. They may occur many times before acceptance has been reached. Eventually, you will be able to allow yourself the luxury of letting go of these feelings in order to bring acceptance and hope into your life.
8. With information and support, most parents will move through the grief process to acceptance.
However, if this grief reaction persists, it may be helpful to seek professional counseling. Be sure the counselor chosen is knowledgeable about ADD and the grief and loss process.
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