But let me say this about cybersex at the Palace or anywhere on the internet. When people get preoccupied with it, they do so for the same reasons people get obsessed with sex in any context. Sure, cybersex is very accessible if you have the technical know-how, it can be very anonymous and therefore emotionally safe, you can act out all sorts of fantasies by altering your identity and gender, you easily can bail out of an encounter and try again later, it's about as "safe sex" in the medical sense as you can get... and at the highly visual Palace, you have the added goodie of being able to display "props" (avatars, or simple "avs") to suit any of your desires, as long as you know how to create those props. All of this makes cybersex attractive. But the underlying needs being satisfied are the same as in the real world. Some people are enticed by the opportunity to not just satisfy but also experiment with their sexual appetite - and that may be perfectly healthy. Others are driven to cybersex out of loneliness, dependency, anger, or a deep insatiable emptiness that demands to be filled.

Most cybersex at the Palace doesn't even involve flashing pornographic icons or lewd language that sounds like it came from the Penthouse Letters or a cheap adult novel. Maybe the word "cybersex" doesn't even apply to most of the "sexual" activity taking place there. The good old fashioned word "flirting" is much more appropriate. The Palace often feels and looks like an ongoing cocktail party - and like any good party, there is a hefty dose of natural, playful flirting. Some of it is a prelude to sneaking up to one of the guest rooms. Much of it is just normal fun that doesn't progress to anything more sexually intimate. What makes it even more delightful than real world flirting are the same features that makes cybersex attractive. It's relatively anonymous and safe, so you can be a bit more open, bold, and experimental than you would at the real world office party. The highly visual/auditory Palace program also lets you do things that you usually can't do in pure text chat rooms. You can "play" with someone's personal space, you can snuggle up next to or mount yourself on top of a flirtee, you can blow him and her an auditory kiss, you can wiggle and "dance" together by maneuvering your props or running macros. Most alluring of all, you can enter a playful little pas de deux where you tease and court each other by displaying avatars that reveal your mood, intentions, likes and dislikes. In fact, the prop you wear can be a clear expression of whether you are in the mood to flirt or not. Most of the time this is all done rather tastefully. Sometimes not.... just like the real world.

Like at any party, this flirting can be a lot of fun and quite addictive. It also points to needs that go beyond the simple satisfaction of biological sex drive. It points to interpersonal needs. Here is where we move on to the next level in the hierarchy.

Where Everyone Knows Your Name

When I ask people why they keep coming back to the Palace, the most common response is "I like the people here." The addictive power of the Palace goes far beyond that of a video game because it has something that video games never will. There are people. And people need people. On the second level of Maslow's hierarchy is the need for interpersonal contact, social recognition, and a sense of belonging. As a human, you instinctively want to go to a place where everyone knows your name.

Another stereotype in the minds of the uninformed public is that the internet is populated mostly by misfits and socially inadequate people. They can't form "real" relationships, so they resort to safe, superficial contact offered through the cold wires and glass monitor screens of cyberspace. Once again, this stereotyped thinking is more a defensive reaction to the internet than an accurate reflection of reality. Sure, some shy, interpersonally anxious, and downright pathologically schizoid people may be drawn to cyberspace relationships. They may even become "addicted" to such relationships (and who's to say that is "bad"?). However, many users are perfectly normal social beings who use the internet to find people who share similar interests and lifestyles - the kinds of people who may not be available in their immediate, real-world environment.

At the Palace users automatically have something in common with everyone else. They are USERS! They share an interest in computer technology and the internet, which offers the strong possibility of instantaneous camaraderie and a sense of belonging. Jokes about being "addicted" may be half serious, but they also boost this feeling that "we are all in this together." This is true of almost all online environments, but what makes the Palace unique is that it is a NEW technical and social environment. Unlike other places on the internet, it is a highly visual, spatial, and physical habitat. The software, the behaviors, and the social norms associated with this environment are brand new and evolving quickly. People at the Palace take great pleasure in sharing ideas about this. Many feel that they are participating in the birth of a new generation of online community. They feel like pioneers who, together, are settling new territory. It's a very addictive feeling of "belonging" to a creative process.

What makes the territory so new and challenging is that the visual/spatial qualities of the Palace have dramatically enhanced the way people can satisfy that very basic human need for social recognition and exchange. You aren't limited to text-only communication. In addition to talking, you have at your disposal the subtlety and poetry of non-verbal communication. While these non-verbals can be conveyed through action-statements in text-only environments ("Starman pats Lily on the back"), it doesn't have quite the same subtle power as a pure nonverbal behavior. At the Palace, you can run to greet friends when they enter the room. You can sit next to, above, below, or on top of people to express your mood towards them. You can place yourself into the corner of the room, float above the room, get down onto the carpet with the others, hop into a pool or a bathtub, use a chair, a table, tree, statue, or any of the other numerous objects in the environment - all as ways of showing your intentions and feelings towards others. With "thought balloons" you can express what you are thinking without expecting a reply, and with "excited balloons" you can add zip to something you want to say. Most important of all, you have props as powerful tools to express your attitudes and feelings towards others, and as social tokens to exchange with others. Add all of these visual features to the ability to "whisper" privately to others (a feature common to many chat environments) as well as the ability to write scripts to automate behavior - and you have an almost infinite array of methods to interact with others. Experimenting with these methods is quite addictive.