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Page 6 of 6
Phobias - (Recovery Area 5)
Being counter-phobic (repressing fears as a way to create chaos). Acting out of repressed fear in order to do something (using "repressed" fear, only, as the motivation or logic for doing something).
- Fear of feeling afraid.
- Fear of being liked.
- Fear of germs.
- Fear of parents.
- Fear of authority figures.
- Fear of getting dirty (I try to remember that God made dirt so it won't hurt).
- Fear of not locking doors, turning off lights, turning off electrical equipment.
- Fears of driving.
- Fears of spending time alone (Feels like no one is there to feed my addiction).
- Fears of sharing the same space as another person (Standing in a crowded room, standing in line at the store, stopped in line at a stop light, etc).
- Fear of eye contact. Fear of looking at someone.
- Fear of failure (in sex, work, music, knowledge, gaining approval).
- Fear of hearing. Using chaos and destructive control behaviors to remain separated from what someone is saying, instead of using detachment skills.
- Fear of medications and prescription drugs.
- Fear of eating or drinking.
- Fear of making a mess.
- Fear of mistakes.
- Fear of spilling.
- Fear of anger (or of angry people).
- Fear of breaking something.
- Fear of being embarrassed.
- Fear of losing control.
- Fear of feeling.
- Fear of asking for needs to be met.
- Fear of setting boundaries.
- Fear of being the natural person that I am.
Grieving the"Loss of Self" in Childhood (Recovery Area 6)
- Releasing the terror.
- Releasing the anger and the hurt.
- Allowing myself to expel repressed pain, fear, and anger (safely).
- What was done is done and does not have the ability to travel back in time to redo.
- Learning how to discover myself.
- Forming an identity.
The Addictive Behavior (Recovery Area 7)
The Addictive Behavior is a coping skill learned in a dysfunctional family where one or more of the parents were addicts. The behavior is:
The Looking for Something to feel Better.
- The "Looking" (or seeking) in the behavior is the anxiety.
- The "Something" in the behavior is the avenue.
- The "Feel Better" in the behavior is the result.
"Looking" may be divided into a multitude of actions. The actions will have destructive control behaviors attached to them. The "Looking" is the anxiety. Children raised as objects of addiction will feel anxious most of the time. They will feel compelled to "Look."
The "Something" could be, sex, food, drugs, approval, control, alcohol, work, people, gambling, religion, power, cults, money, etc. Whatever the "Something" is, it is an avenue to feeling "Better." The vehicle on this avenue is compulsion.
"Feel Better" may be divided into several results. "Feel Better" could be to feel safer, feel happier, feel accepted, feel secure, feel less, or feel more. Sam's life will feel controlled to him or her by the "Looking" for "Something."
It should be noted that the avenues are neither good or bad. They are avenues. Some may be illegal. Some may be considered to be unhealthy. Some are social taboos. Sam's recovery will depend in part on not judging the avenue.
Integration (Recovery Area 8)
- Killing an old belief system.
- Rebirth.
- Acceptance of myself and of other people.
- Asking for my needs to be met.
- Setting boundaries.
"The more I let go, the more I become integrated"
The myths, the old baggage load, the chaos, the phobias, the need to grieve childhood, and the addictive behavior (the looking), will be carried by Sam into his or her relationships. And the more significant the relationship, the more intense these recovery areas will become.
Sam's style of relationship will be to use people like a drug similarly to the way Sam was used. People will become objects of addiction for Sam. Sam's spouse will become an object of addiction. Sam's children will become objects of addiction. Sam's friends will become objects of addiction. The pattern of addiction will continue until the chain reaction is interrupted.
It should be said that Sam made the best possible choices to continue to survive as an object of addiction. The choice to become an addict and an object of addiction saved Sam's life. Addicts are miracles. Addicts are survivors. I commend myself and my fellow addicts. We chose to survive. It's been a long and difficult road. According to data collected and published by IOF Foresters, "there are at least 70 million adult survivors of child abuse in this country alone" (10). I estimate that to be 70 million objects of addiction.
next: Help is on the Way (I)
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