On with the Show

The Myths (Recovery Area 1)

1. I must be compliant to be acceptable.
2. I must not do anything to frustrate an addict.
3. I must be invisible.
4. I am responsible for the feelings of other people.
5. Making mistakes is not acceptable.
6. I can control the actions and feelings of other people.
7. Other people are going to (or supposed to) rescue me from my feelings.
8. Other people are endowed with the mystical power to relieve my feelings of anxiety, emptiness, loneliness, anger, terror.
9. When I operate as a victim *, I can control the people with whom I'm trying to get my needs met. They will love me this way. *Also choose to see "victim" in Appendix. "Confusing love with pity for a victim."
10. I am alone. Coping with my pain is something I can't share with other people.
11. Victims, as defined as a behavioral condition in Appendix VI, are my responsibility.
12. People will violate my boundaries and if I don't cooperate, abuse will occur.
13. I must eat all my food until it is all gone even if I'm full or eating something distasteful.
14. Complaints aren't allowed. Complaints will equate to being abused.
15. I must listen intensely to and pay attention to everything and everybody.
16. Anger is rage and associated with control and abusive behavior.
17. Conflict is equated with death or perceived death.
18. Taking care of myself is wrong and unacceptable. Asking for what I need or standing up for myself will result in abuse.
19. Taking care of other people is associated with being able to survive. If I don't take care of other people I won't survive.
20. Swearing is for ignorant people. Only people who can't think of something else to say, swear. Swearing is imperfect.
21. Making problems and mistakes into catastrophes is normal.
22. Chaos is normal.
23. Compliments are expectations.
24. Compliments have hidden expectations and meanings.
25. By analyzing or interpreting I can figure anything out. I'm sure I'll have the answer if I can just think hard and long about it enough. Not having an answer is associated to shame or terror.
26. Making assumptions is better than asking direct questions. Guessing is safer.
27. Conflict, abuse, and abandonment can be avoided by not asking questions.
28. Conflict, abuse, and abandonment can be avoided if I continue to do everything until it is done and do it flawlessly.
29. I must do everything all at once and continue until it is all done. Doing a "half-ass" job, or a job in steps, is associated with abuse. The anxiety of an uncompleted project is normal.
30. Pre-planning prevents conflict;. Conflicts are the result of poor planning.
31. My feelings are wrong and unacceptable. My feelings are associated with abuse.
32. Caring for me is something someone else is required to do.
33. Girls are supposed to be good (whatever good is), boys are bad (what ever bad is).
34. More women then men are victims of domestic abuse in the US. (the figures show that as many men are abused by women as women are abused by men)
35. A girl is supposed to be___________. (fill in with an "interpretive" label not based on biological fact. An "interpretive" label is an opinion created out of someone else's interpretation).
36. A boy is supposed to be___________. (fill in with an "interpretive" label not based on biological fact).
37. Asking for help will jeopardize my security or I am not worth asking for any help from anyone.
38. Being "nice" allows me to control people. Being nice keeps me from abuse. You'll like me if I am nice to you.
39. Scaring myself is normal. Feeling scared or terrorized is normal.
40. If someone else makes a mistake, I'll have to take responsibility for it. And even if I don't do anything wrong, no one is going to believe me or support my side.