Part of my journey is to discover the things that I've not made a part of myself. Acknowledging and making a part of me those things I'd like to change is the beginning of change. Allowing something to become a part of me is to become comfortable with the something I've discovered about myself (also referred to as "owning)." There are things about myself that are obvious but have never been allowed by me to become a part of me and therefore remain unchanged. I change by making the things I'd like to change a part of me. Becoming comfortable with all that I am allows me to become whole. I am all that I am at the time that I am. This is the wholeness. Allowing myself to become acceptable in a wholistic way to myself is another way of nurturing the person that I am.

Examples of non-ownership or denials

• using people in an addictive way to feel better.
• using an object in an addictive way to feel better.
• using a task in an addictive way to feel better.
• using the speaker (in a conversation) in an addictive way to feel better.
• using my children in an addictive way to feel better.
• using a victim approach (victimstance) to resolving conflict.
• using a chaotic resolve to avoid feeling.
• using fear as a way to control myself (scaring myself).
• using denial as a way to alter the feelings I'd have without denial.
• using diversion as a way to feel better (and not because I enjoy the activity as a non-dependency way of living the moment).
• using the looking behaviors I have as a way to remain in an anxiety state.
• using force (forcing myself) to be or to do something other than who I am.

Owning also includes owning my likes, my dislikes, my choices, my needs, my thoughts, and my opinions without attaching another person as a precondition for these conclusions about myself.

• I own my likes.
• I own my dislikes.
• I own my choices.
• I own my needs.
• I own my thoughts.
• I own my opinions.
• And my actions.

Explaining my ownership excessively is not necessary. Excessive explanations are an old perceived need of someone else (maybe a parent, teacher, priest, principal, nun, etc) and not my own. Explaining excessively is an old habit out of terrorhood.

• I like what I like; and not because ______________________________ . *
• I don't like what I don't like; and not because ______________________________ .*
• I choose what I've chosen; and not because ______________________________ .*
• I need what I've decided I need; and not because ______________________________ .*
• I think what I've thunk (thought); and not because ______________________________ .*
• My opinion is my opinion; and not because ______________________________ .*

* My wife likes it, my husband likes it, my son likes it, my daughter likes it, my boss likes it, my boyfriend likes it, my girlfriend likes it, my church likes it, my dad likes it, my mom likes it, etc.

Explaining excessively or projecting responsibility

Explaining excessively or projecting responsibility for my ownership onto someone else is not nurturing to myself or to the other person.

An explanation for my likes, dislikes, needs, thoughts, opinions, choices, and boundaries, for anyone who asks for an explanation to meet their needs, is:

• Because I like it or enjoy it. (and continue to restate it until it is acknowledged).
• Because I like to be around them or being with them. (and continue to restate it until it is acknowledged).
• I don't know. (and continue to restate it until it is acknowledged).
• Because I don't like it or that. (and continue to restate it until it is acknowledged).
• Because I don't like to be around them or I don't enjoy my time with them. (and continue to restate it until it is acknowledged).
• I don't know. (and continue to restate it until it is acknowledged).
• Because that's what I want or like. (and continue to restate it until it is acknowledged).
• Because that's what I think I need. (and continue to restate it until it is acknowledged).
• It's my opinion. (and continue to restate it until it is acknowledged).