The Watch What I Do List

Watch out when doing _________ . Abuse may occur when:

• Making noise in the morning (age inappropriate expectations).
• Respect for toys, clothes, adults, peers, siblings, etc. (age in appropriate respect/ expectations).
• Making noise (age inappropriate expectations).
• Not reading my mom or dads mind (I'd better guess what's on their mind to stay safe).
• Getting up earlier than the parent. ("sleeping in" as an age inappropriate expectations).
• Interrupting by drawing attention to myself (as a way to take care of myself).
  • Examples:
  • Going to the bathroom
  • Taking care of my needs
  • Being sick
  • etc.
• Academic performance (having to look good for sake of a parent).
• Going too slow, going too fast (as defined by the parent).
• Eating.
• Playing.
• Making a mess (age inappropriate cleaning or grooming).
• Running.
• Fighting (with siblings, bullies).
• Not keeping my room clean (age inappropriate cleaning or grooming).
• Not making my bed.
• Hiccups, sneezing, farting, urinating, bowel movements, and other bodily functions.
• Laughing at mistakes.
• Being late.
• Dressing myself.
• Making a scene.
• Going to school.
• Getting sick.
• Trying to protect myself.
• Practicing lessons.
• Practicing good manners (what ever "good" means. Acceptable as defined by the parent).
• Watching a younger sibling.
• Age inappropriate work (example: young boys lifting heavy objects before the age of 16 may become herniated).
• Having to get along with everyone.
• Having to endure abusive situations.
• Having to forfeit limits in order to be limitless (physically and emotionally).

"Watching out" in each situation on the previous page, has one thing in common:

The Parent's Need

The parent's need of:

• Looking good to the outside world
• Avoiding conflict in order not to re-experience the "terrorhood" of their own childhood abuse
• Using a child in an addictive or drug-like way to not feel bad

The list would exclude any act which constitutes setting safe boundaries for a child's physical and emotional safety.

"Many mothers or other parent figures are mentally and emotionally impoverished. A likely reason is that their needs were not met as infants, children and/ or adults. They are thus so in need that they tend to use others in an unhealthy and inappropriate way to get these needs met. "(Whitfield, Healing The Child Within 23).