Refusing to have my feelings is not meeting my needs. When I feel the need to be scared for awhile I allow myself to feel scared. My needs include the feelings I need to feel for awhile in order to clear my system of stress response. When I feel the need to be sad, I practice allowing myself to feel sad for awhile. The choice is mine at the time those feelings are available to feel. Stress cycles continue if I block them (stuff feelings at the time they are available to me).

Being propelled out of terror, as a

result of terrorhood, is scary. . .

• . . . . not to allow the addictive pull to control the actions I take.
• . . . . not to analyze.
• . . . . not to be "other-oriented."
• . . . . not to control (through the use of control behaviors the hurt).
• . . . . not to control the perceptions I think someone has of me ("looking good," i.e. getting approval in secret or covert ways).
• . . . . not to endow objects with the ability to change.
• . . . . not to explain excessively.
• . . . . not to fish for approval (or not to be non-direct in approval seeking).
• . . . . not to interpret.
• . . . . not to listen intently (or intensely).
• . . . . not to look for answers and not knowing everything.
• . . . . not to remain in a conversation that's abusive.
• . . . . not to rescue people from their short comings or problems (forced help).
• . . . . not to stay in an abusive situation or submit.
• . . . . not to use authorities outside of myself (my perception of an authority figure).
• . . . . to accept things as is, when they are unchangeable.
• . . . . to allow myself to feel bad (unconditionally; without control).
• . . . . to allow people to do the best that they can at the moment.
• . . . . to allow someone to have a belief system separate from my own.
• . . . . to ask for clarification.
• . . . . to behave in a way that says to the world and to myself that I have value.
• . . . . to spend time alone (without chaos).
• . . . . to talk for myself and not talk to the audience in an approval seeking way.

"I accept the scary-ness. It's scary. It scares the hell out of me. It's scary to change."

And, being afraid "not to" as used in the statements above has a lot of sadness in it for me.

next: More on Acceptance