• "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right!" **
• "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well!" **
• "Is this all?" (give me more now!) **
• "Is this it?" (give me more now!) **
• "Is this the best you can do?" You doing your best?) ****
• "Pick that up right now!" **
• "Stop that crying!" **
• "That's a terrible thing to do!" (Stop it now!) **
• "You are going to hurt someone!" *
• "You are going to hurt yourself!" *
• "You can do better than that!" **
• "You don't care about anybody but yourself! DO YOU. . . ." **
• "You'd better be right!" ****
• "You'd better do it again!" **
• "You'd better do it over till you get it right!" **
• "You'd better do that right now!" **
• "You'd better get this done right now!" **
• "You'd better learn to do this yourself!" **
• "You'd better make sure!" **
• "You'd better not be lying to me!" ***
• "You'd better not forget!" *
• "You're being bad!" ***
• "You're being irresponsible!" ***
• "You're going to be late!" *
• "You're going to break that!" *
• "You're going to have to learn to do this yourself!" **

The hidden message in each of the above phases is that the child is imperfect (stupid, dumb, or lacking in ability) as they are as a child.

The sanctions or reinforcements for the statements above:

* You'll be in trouble if you do. I'll injure or punish you, or God will injure or punish you, or someone will injure or punish you. I need to use you to feel better, Now!

** You'll be in trouble if you don't. I'll injure or punish you, or God will injure or punish you, or someone will injure or punish you. I need to use you to feel better, Now!

*** You'll be in trouble if you are. I'll injure or punish you, or God will injure or punish you, or someone will injure or punish you. I need to use you to feel better, Now!

**** You'll be in trouble if you aren't. I'll injure or punish you, or God will injure or punish you, or someone will injure or punish you. I need to use you to feel better, Now!

"Conversation perfection" is a style of controlled conversation and perfectionism. It's a type of maneuvering behavior that shapes the conversation so that it may be accepted (or heard) by the addict.

When I experience this type of destructive control behavior from an addict I find myself feeling resentful, frustrated, angry, and thinking, "No, I don't think that's what I said!" The destructive control behavior includes:

A- The addict "adding" information to what I have said as if what I have said was inadequate.

Example:

My Statement: "I think the movie (we saw) was great."

Response: "Yea, great and long too. Next time we should bring overnight bags."

B- The addict interrupting to "steer the information" they are hearing in another direction.

Example:

My statement: "I think the . . . . .

Response: "Think the movie was long, right? Next time we're going to need overnight bags."

C- The addict responding with information that "restates" the information they've heard in a more acceptable form.

Example:

My statement: "I think the movie was great."

Response: "You mean the movie was long don't you?"

D- The addict "arguing with the information" to reshape it and create conflict.

Example:

My statement: "I think the movie was great."

Response: "No, the movie was long."