Violence

Violence is any physical contact which is not performed in a loving, nurturing, or respectful way. Young children may need some physical contact on occasion to set safe boundaries for them. An example would be spanking a child to prevent them from repeatedly going out into a busy street. The difference between violence and boundary setting is clear. Is the child being spanked out of love and concern for their well being? Or are they being spanked as a way for the addict parent to vent (expel) angry, scared, or frustrated feelings? If it is the latter, the contact is violence. In this way the child is being used like a drug as a way to help the addict feel to better.

Violence includes "deprivation of basic needs" such as refusing the child access to:

• Medical attention
• Food
• Clean water
  
• Shelter
• Clean air
• A breath of air
• Heat
• A sense of safety (forcing the child into potentially life threatening conditions)
• The right to flee as needed (restraining a child in lock-up areas, binding a child, trapping a child, etc)
• The right to expel body wastes (urine, feces, vomit, etc)
• The right to sanitation
• The right to expel tears, vomit, fear, anger, etc (the right to cry, the right to vomit, etc)

Shaming, humiliating, terrorizing, or injuring a child in connection with the access to basic needs is a type of deprivation. The child is being trained to practice self-deprivation as a way to avoid the shaming, humiliation, terrorization, and/ or injury.

Violence also includes being forced to witness or observe trauma, ritual, pornography, punishment, death, destruction, dismemberment, suffocation, crippling. And, all of human origin, without a support system to grieve or psychologically process the event. This includes the destruction or disposition of pets, farm animals, personal property, toys, clothing, bicycles, etc.

Rage

Rage is anger and frustration out of control. Rage might include throwing things, slamming doors, breaking things, all within the child's view. Considering the sheer size of an adult as compared to a child, a child viewing an adult who is raging out of control will be terrorized by the experience. The goals of an addict parent raging are to expel feelings in order to "feel better" and at the same time, scare their objects of addiction into compliance. Remember compliance is one of the addict's expectations for their objects of addiction, which in this case is the child.

Coercion

Coercion is the threat of violence. Sam's addict parent, in an attempt to control, might say coercive things like:

• "If you ever do that again, I'll beat you to a pulp."
• "I'll beat you till you can't walk straight."
• "Stop that crying or I'll give you something to cry about."
• "Just wait till your dad gets home, he is going to really be angry."
• "Would you like a spanking (beating)?, Get over here right now."
• "Get in here right now or you'll get a spanking (beating)."
• "Sometimes I wish you were dead. I hate you. I wished I'd never had kids. I wished I'd never had you."

The use of threat or destructive bargaining is also a part of coercion.

A terrorist uses coercion to control situations with some intended goal in mind. And just like the terrorist, the addict parent destructively controls with an intended goal in mind. The goal is to "feel better." Addicts who have a dependency relationship with their children control their fears by controlling their children. Children of addict parents who are controlled by the addict's use of coercion, grow up terrorized and not feeling safe. The emotional effects of coercion are more damaging to a child than to a child who has been beaten. A child growing up in coercion will always be wishing for something (bad) to happen in order for them to relieve their anxiety of waiting for something (bad) to happen.