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Available to nurture

I usually pick people who are "unavailable" (unavailable to nurture). Below is a list for me to use to discriminate between non-nurturing and nurturing.

• Compassion.
• Acknowledgement without control.
• Unconditional giving (does not mean gives anything and everything without boundary or limit).
• Likes to be close, holds, eye contact, can touch and be touched.
• Lacks concealment.
• Non-fishing for approval.
• Non- chaotic in relationship.
• Non-victim (does not play victim).
• Non-competitive (does not compete in a dependent way).
• Has a sense of humor similar to mine.
• Trusts (does not test or remain suspicious).
• Wants are clear (no hidden agendas).
• Has time to spend listening. Patient.
• Non-terrorist (lacks destructive control behaviors)..i.Listening;
• Non-intimidating actions. Is open.
• Seems to have a sense of worth and of self.
• Shares without control.
• "Quality time" will be a factor of the above characteristics (a percentage of the above characteristics).

Working Definitions (within this guide)

Definition:: Abusive. To kill spirt or choice. To cause doubt. To cause self doubt. To abandon physically or emotionally. To threaten ones security. To corrode trust. To injure. To issue sadness or terror. To control without regard to boundary or well being.

Definition: Addict. A person who has acquired a set of dependency skills and is psychologically (or emotionally) restrained from operating independently without the use of compulsion or control.

Definition: Attached or Attached in an unhealthy way. The use of destructive control behaviors.

Definition: Attack. "To set upon forcefully. To assail with unfriendly or bitter words. To begin to affect. To set to work on. To make an onslaught on. A belligerent or antagonistic action. The beginning of destructive action" (Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary. G. & C. Merriam Co. 1973).

Definition: Avenues. A pathway to reach a destination. An emotional thought process. A process of going from one place to another.

Definition: Bad Choices. Bad Choices are choices which were deemed as being less than perfect or uncomfortable by the addict parent. Includes:

• - Taking care of myself.
• - Not taking care of the addict parent's needs.
• - Not expecting myself to go beyond my age appropriate limits.
• - Setting a boundary.
• - Or any other choice (or action) that the addict deemed as being bad because of their negative or uncomfortable reaction to it.

Definition: Bad Feelings. Bad feelings are defined by the addict parent as the feelings which constitute emotional or physiological pain such as sadness, grief, fear, helplessness, anger, disappointment, anxiety, resentment, nervousness, frustration, guilt, loneliness, shame, or any other feelings of pain.

Definition: Beating. Intent to traumatize. Intent to inflict excessive force. To spank without boundary (lack of protection) such as removal of the child's clothing (bare skin contact) or to spank repeatedly or to spank out of control in a rage. Intent to inflict excessive pain by using an object to strike with such as boards or belts. To strike a body part other than the buttocks. To spank using closed hand. To vent without boundary.

Definition: Being needy. In need of something such as help, comfort, nurturing, emotional support, etc.