My Limits (at the time I have them)

• The limits I have are not the same as the ability (I have) to do something.
• I'm unable to change the past.
• I'm unable to change the future by worrying about it.
• I have fears.
• I get tired.
• I'm unable to control what someone else is thinking of me.
• I'm unable to forcibly control someone else's actions without using destructive control behaviors. (to kill spirit)
• I can't control another person by being nice and accommodating.

My Choices (at the time I have them)

• I choose to confront at my own discretion.
• I choose to amend at my own discretion.
• I choose to end a relationship at any time that it becomes un- healthy.*
• I choose to know that there are choices unknown to me.
• I choose to say I'm ok with myself.*
• I choose to avoid affirming or meeting another person's needs for a self prophecy of inadequateness (Doing my "your not good enough" routine in response to an action that is unconsciously carried out by the other person to look or sound inadequate i.e. action, communication, etc).*

My Thoughts and My Opinions (at the time I have them)

• This guide is my opinion.
• I'm uniformed on occasion, I'm informed on occasion, I am neither absolutes the rest of the time (shades of middle grey).
• I empower women indiscriminately with the power to heal and nurture.
• There are many myths about life and relationship.
• I lost a sense of safeness in childhood.
• My belief system is terror based.
• I'm afraid to let people like me.
• I don't know what I thought I knew.
• Someone complaining to me about my opinions is giving up their own power to me. If we are equals why would they do this?
• Moving from a victim standpoint scares me (Choose to see "victimstance" Appendix).
• When I scare myself, I become my own expulsion inhibitor.
• It scares me to set boundaries.
• It scares me to ask for my needs to be met (it comes off as being pissed off with the other person).
• I use my head a lot to stay a way from feeling bad.
• This guide takes my own inventory and the inventory of other people.
• Words are words. Words are symbols whose meaning is worthless except to the user. Words are interpretations and not facts.
• When I complaint consistently about something , I probably don't like what I'm complaining about and need to decide if I want to change.
• I am not what I do.
• Males are trained to be disposable. I've felt disposable. Males have been trained for war for many centuries. They get judged on their ability to go to war and provide security.
• I need my addictions while I learn how to feel better for myself (how to nurture myself).
• The "Anxiety" is the looking for something to feel better.
• When I feel intense terror or shame, someone is probably playing an intense victim similar to my mother, my father, my sister, my brother, etc.
• Asking before giving feedback is a loving gesture.
• "Being afraid not to," has a lot of sadness in it for me.
• The greatest gift I give another person is to listen and acknowledge without controlling what I've heard.

* Signifies the opposites and shades of middle gray too.

"All that I am is me. I am myself today,

and I'll be changing tomorrow."

I can choose to accept (acknowledge without control) the change.

As a young infant I was able to love without controlling. Today my ability to love is as available to me as it was then except that I know "something" different which scares the love away. The "loss of control" is the "something" different that scares me. Relearning to love without control is a gift that's available to me.

I am also my recovery issues. I am my fears, my myths, my rage, my old baggage, my chaos, and my looking behavior. I accept that I'm afraid to feel. I accept that I'm afraid to set boundaries. I accept that I'm afraid to ask for my needs to be met. I accept my difficulties in trusting people. I accept that acceptance is an on going and confusing process. And in the mean time, acceptance of . . .

"I am all that I am at the time that I am"

. . . . is the key

next: Setting Boundaries