Decisions aren't forever. I can choose to change as life changes. If I try to live one minute ago or one minute into the future, I will miss out on living now. I am not able to relive yesterday nor is anyone else. And I cannot live tomorrow until it arrives. The world is all that it is at the time that it is. Choosing to be a part of it, at the time that it is, is a choice. I can choose to live now, yesterday, or a perception of tomorrow. If I choose to live now, I'm able to detach from yesterday or tomorrow; or moments from now or moments ago.

Spending time alone

Having feelings is scary. Chaos blocks feelings. The absence of chaos is terrorizing to me. The absence of chaos feels like I've been abandoned or something creatively terrible is about to happen.

Spending time alone allows me to begin feeling. Feeling allows me to discover myself. Through feeling I discover who I am. Spending time alone helps me to say to myself, "I don't need to have chaos. I don't need to scare myself."

Spending time alone is not the same as being lonely. I don't need to be lonely. I can choose to have friends and I can choose to spend time alone. When I'm alone I reach out if I need to be in the company of others. Using the phone, talking to a friend, going to a recovery meetings, going to counseling, calling my sponsor, are all options available to me. And those options (choices) don't have to be all or none (all alone or never alone).

Acceptance as a way to extradite chaos

I am all my feelings, likes, dislikes, opinions, thoughts, and behaviors. When I accept myself as "all that I am at the time that I am," I give up chaos. When I accept other people as "all that they are at the time that they are," I give up chaos. Staying in serenity is available to me through this option. Saying the serenity prayer is one of the ways of helping me affirm a choice to accept myself and other people as they are and give up chaos. The serenity prayer is a way to help me detach:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I'm not supposed to change,

(meaning other people; all that they are at the time that they are) The courage to change the things I can, (the parts of myself I can choose to change) And the wisdom to know the difference." (what's their stuff and what's my stuff)

Acceptance also includes not giving away or changing something that I don't own. When I don't own something, it's not mine to do with as I might want to. Acceptance is about .i.owning something;. I'm unable to own something when I don't like or if I am not comfortable with it. If I refuse becoming comfortable with it, I'll never own it or want to own it. Examples might be:

• Likes
• Dislikes
• Thoughts
• Opinions
• Choices
• Aches and pains
• My children
• My parents of the past verses the present
• A job I don't like or enjoy
• A husband or wife that I don't enjoy
• An acquaintance or friend I don't enjoy
• A disability
• A resentment (old or new)
• A lie or falsehood
• An illusion of myself or of someone else
• A behavior disorder
• A perception verses a fact
• A feeling of scared-ness
• A feeling of terror or shame
• A feeling of anger or frustration
• A feeling of laughter or humor

When I acknowledge something about myself, I'm taking the first step to owning it. When I choose to be comfortable with it, I become the owner. As the owner I may choose to change, trade, or keep it. This is how I change.

When I talk to expel stress, I talk for myself and not the audience

The need to talk is different than the need to talk to share information. When I talk as a "need" to talk, I'm talking for myself as a way to expel stress and not to control. When I'm taking as a need to expel stress, I'm not talking to entertain, nurse, repair, fix, offer advice to, order, control, coerce, influence, maneuver, influence, or manipulate the audience. And when I talk to make an amends*, I'm talking to expel my feelings of guilt, sadness, or remorse and not to solicit forgiveness (controlling to receive forgiveness).

* Examples of Amends:

• "I'm sorry I've taken your inventory."
• "I'm sorry I've accused you of something."
• "I'm sorry I labeled you."
• "I'm sorry I made an assumption about your behavior."
• "I'm sorry I insisted you weren't doing the best you could."
• "I'm sorry I left you uninformed."
• "I'm sorry I wasn't able to hear your feelings."
• "I'm sorry I ignored you."
• "I'm sorry I abused our confidence."
• "I'm sorry I terrorized you."
• "I'm sorry for acting like I'd been victimized by you."

The need to talk is an important way for me to remain clutter free (Free from "stress response" buildup discussed in section II). It's time to move on to section II to find out why the need to talk is important and healthy.

End Section I.

next: The Background