A Closer Look

The list of double binds is endless and always changing. The list of double binds is unique to each person. The double binds for one person are not going to be the same as the double binds for another person. Each person will experience a double bind in their own way.

Side-Note:

The following is list of double binds which I find myself needing to re-inform myself of on occasion. I call these my "Chaotic Control Binds" or binds that hurt when I'm in.

• Trying to gain approval from someone who is playing the victim.*
• Trying to control the opinion that another person has of me.*
• Trying to change the behavior of another person.*
• Trying to gain approval from someone who doesn't like me.*
• Trying to force myself to like someone I don't like.*
• Trying to like something I hate doing.*
• Trying to be unafraid of something I'm afraid to do.*
• Trying to be unafraid of someone that I'm afraid of.*
• Trying to be un-nervous in a situation that I'm nervous in.*
• Trying to be cheerful in a situation that I'm feeling sad about.*

* My feelings versus my denial of my feelings.
* My feelings versus the feelings of another person.

The second element which needs to be considered in a stress cycle is called an "Expulsion Inhibitor" (figure 5).

A double bind blocks a cycle from completion before expulsion, where as an expulsion inhibitor blocks a cycle from completion after expulsion. Expulsion inhibitors are factors which:

• Prevent complete resolution of a cycle.
• And/ or create a Complex cycle.

When the resolution of the stress cycle back to a peaceful state is interrupted by an expulsion inhibitor, it may or may not create a complex cycle (figure 6).

next: Stormy Weather Ahead (II)