Niki Delson: It is different for many men. When they are children, they are dealt with differently. There is the issue of homophobia if they were molested by a man, and if they were molested by a woman, and they are adolescent, they are supposed to feel like they had a great sexual experience. As little boys they are expected to take it like a man, not have sad feelings, not cry etc. And for many boys, unless there is sodomy, and usually there is not, they find the experience pleasurable and do not want the offender to get in trouble. The offender, with both males and females, creates confusion by getting the victim to think that because they complied, they really consented. Then when they are adults, they have no clarity about what consent means. Victims get complaince and consent confused.

Rachel2: How do you ensure personal safety when having an abbreaction, a real life rememberance of the abuse, where it feels like you are actually there? What steps do you take to ensure that safety?

Niki Delson: It is important to work with a therapist and get clarity where you are trauma bonded. There are certain triggers that link certain aspects of your environment to memories. Each molestation experience is unique and so for each individual, understanding the experience means untangling those reminders. Trauma bonding is where the trauma, is cemented so to speak, in your mind with other things that you experienced, could be smells, something visual etc, and the triggers bring about the memory.

BobM: Can you talk a little about the different types of therapy that would be effective in helping adult survivors?

Niki Delson: The most successful form of therapy seems to be cognitive behavioral, where you work with the therapist to understand your thinking, and feeling, and how your thoughts generate your behaviors. There is some research on EMDR (Eye Movement Densensitization and Reprocessing) as a very useful intervention in untangling the traumatic memory.

Precious198: If you have multiple personality disorder/DID, how do you get to the point that the personalities/voices get under control and you can live a semi-normal life again?

Niki Delson: If work with a therapist isn't helping, some vicitms find various forms of medications very helpful with quieting the mental conversations that disrupt everyday functioning. Medication along with psychotherapy has been shown to be sucessful in dealing with depression.

Gloria: I don't know if this is allowed, but I have grandparents who think that I should just forget it and a father who thinks what happened is my fault.

Niki Delson: Well, your father is wrong, and telling you to forget it is not useful. It is useful to find a way to package the memory and have it exist as a memory of a very bad experience, and not have the memory be in the driver's seat of your life.

Bob M: One last audience question Niki because I know you have to leave: There are some adults who "think" they may have been abused, but aren't sure. Maybe they have dissociated the memory or don't have a clear memory of the incident(s). How do they deal with that?

Niki Delson: I worry about people, who have no clear memory, "thinking" they have been abused. It is a dangerous road to walk down, because sometimes one can look for an explanation for an unhappy life, and molestation may not be at the root. I deal with what people bring into the therapy office. I ask them to define what their "life is not" and help them look for how they would like their life to be and what is stopping them from achieving fulfillment in life. Defining yourself as a victim, and having that as an identity, does not lead to fulfillment.

Bob M: Thank you Niki for being here tonight. We appreciate it. I also want to thank the audience for coming.

Niki Delson: Thank you. I hope everyone found it informative. Good night.

Bob M: Thanks everyone for being here. Good night.

Disclaimer: We are not recommending or endorsing any of the suggestions of our guest. In fact, we strongly encourage you to talk over any therapies, remedies or suggestions with your doctor BEFORE you implement them or make any changes in your treatment.