Bob M: Thank you Holli for being here tonight and sharing your story and experiences with us. Our next guest, Niki Delson is here. And I'll be introducing her in a second.

Holli Marshall: Thank you Bob and I appreciate having the opportunity to be here. Good night everyone.

Bob M: Our next guest is Niki Delson. Ms. Delson is a licensed clinical social worker and most of her practice involves working with people who suffered sexual abuse. Good evening Niki and welcome to the Concerned Counseling website. Can you briefly tell us a bit more about your expertise?

Niki Delson: I work in a private practice that specializes in family violence. We treat victims, family members and perpetrators. I am also an instuctor for the University of California and train social workers in investigating abuse and neglect.

Bob M: I know you saw part of the conversation we had with Holli Marshall. Is it typical for people who are abused as children to suffer the after-affects in adult life?

Niki Delson: Many children who were molested, or had other traumatic experiences in childhood, continue to suffer or experience a variety of symptoms as adults. There are however, victims of sexual abuse who are asymptomatic all of their life.

Bob M: How is it possible that after an experience of being raped or molested as a child, one can be without symptoms then and later in life?

Niki Delson: Children who are molested don't have the cognitive ability to understand a lot of what was done to them. It's important to remember that most molestation experiences are not rape. Children are mostly confused when they realize that what was being done to them was not okay and the disclosure of the abuse sometimes creates more symptoms, depending on the reactions of parents and others involved in the process of dealing with the disclosures. The aftermath of disclosure and the fallout from that is usually what we deal with in therapy first. Children can be asymptomatic before puberty and develop symptoms when sex takes on a different meaning in their life.

Bob M: What role do the parents play in the ability of a child to heal after a child is sexually abused?

Niki Delson: If it is a family member, an incestuous relationship, then the mother is the key to the healing. Research clearly demonstrates that children who have supportive mothers who acknowledge the molestation experience and clearly hold the perpetrator accountable, will heal faster. The perpetrators admission is also a key factor in health.

Bob M: I'm wondering, in many abuse cases, there is a legal process. What is your feeling about bringing the abused child into the legal process and having them testify and go through extensive exams, etc.? Is it better to do this or not do this in terms of the healing process?

Niki Delson: That all depends on the child. I have worked with teenagers who clearly wanted to go to court and testify. They believed that was the only way to get their father to be held accountable and they wanted to do it publicly. I have worked with teenagers who wanted to have a sexual trauma exam because their mother's didn't believe them and they hoped it would give her the wake up call she needed. I have also worked with children who were as traumatized by the sexual trauma exam as they were by the sexual trauma.

Bob M: Let's say the abused child doesn't get the professional treatment needed during childhood. What is the key to the healing process in adulthood?

Niki Delson: Clarity in their minds that it was nothing about them, not their body, not their mind, not their soul that caused them to be "chosen" by the perpetrator. Sometimes that comes from psychological counseling, other times it comes from family, a minister, a mentor, a teacher, a good friend. etc.

Bob M: Here are some questions from the audience:

Precious198: Is it necessary in healing to confront the abusers- especially if it involves mom, dad and brother, if you know they will not acknowledge that any abuse happened?

Niki Delson: If you know they will not acknowledge it, what would be your purpose? You have to be clear about that, because otherwise you just put yourself in a position to feel victimized again.

Robinke: I guess you have had victims where the family (parents) doesn't believe them. How do you deal with them?

Niki Delson: It depends on whether they are children or adults. If they are children and not believed, they are usually removed from the family, and it is the separation and abandonment issues that we deal with first. That is usually way more painful then being molested.

BobM: And what about as an adult, finally confronting your abusers? How does one deal with the situation of confronting your parents or abuser and they deny it.

Niki Delson: I have seen that backfire many times. And it takes a lot of preparation. Some women say that they just wanted to experience the power of confrontation and did a confrontation with supportive women or family. They experienced a sense of completion when the perpetrator no longer had power over them, even though there was no admission.

BobM: What about men who are abused? Is it a different experience for them than women and the way they handle it? And is the treatment different?