Bob M: Here are some questions from the audience Holli:

Pandora: Are you diagnosed with MPD/DID Holli? I have been told by both my psychiatrist and psychologist that I shouldn't mention this to people. It is difficult to be treated for a disorder that isn't readily acknowledged by the public and even many professionals.

Holli Marshall: MPD/DID is different than post-traumatic stress disorder in that I am dissociated, but not to the point that I lost touch with reality in myself. DID creates new people to take over the pain. I would suggest that you tell people that you have DID. I think the silence is very hurtful. If you've been diagnosed with DID, then you need to find a professional who acknowledges it and then get treatment. My experiences have shown me that the general public turns it's head away from abuse issues because it's difficult to hear and digest. That's why I created the "mint green ribbon campaign" for the awareness of abuse.

Journey: Holli, I read your web page earlier today! Great Page!!! My question is: how are the flashbacks different now from before when you first went through them; and also, does your anorexia get better as you go through your healing process?

Holli Marshall: Re: the flashbacks. I still have them. They range in severity depending on what I am going through at that moment. For instance, if I'm dealing with extra stress, that can trigger a flashback. But they are less frequent now than before and I now know how to handle them. The anorexia did get better for me as time went along because I was able to gain more self-esteem and awareness of myself and my needs as therapy progressed. Since I was a child, neglected, not fed food because my mom didn't feed me properly, I didn't develop a sense of hunger, like normal hunger pains. I would go on and on without eating. And because of the sexual abuse and incest, I didn't want people to see my womanly curves. But now I realize that's normal and natural and you should feel good about yourself and proud of yourself no matter what you've been through.

Robinke: How old were you when you began counseling and how many counselors did it take before you found the right person?

Holli Marshall: I was 22 when I began and it took me until my third counselor to get it right. I finally found a psychologist who I could work with and who specialized in ptsd. But it was frustrating during the interim periods before I found the right person. So please hang in there and find a good person who works for you.

Gryphonguardians: Did you have to remember everything in a lot of detail to heal?

Holli Marshall: No. I think it's impossible to remember everything in detail when going through the therapy process. And basically, I think you should just pick and choose what you know is going to work for you.

Precious198: Did you have to confront your abusers to heal or did the healing take place without that?

Holli Marshall: I had to confront my abusers which was very hard and did not go well. But I went into it with no expectations of it either going, or not going, well.

Bob M: What was that like for you Holli--facing your abusers? And how did your abusers respond?

Holli Marshall: For me, it was very scary because I didn't exactly know what to expect. I tried to stay neutral, but obviously you're worried if this person is going to physically and verbally attack you and try and discredit you. And they responded in multiple ways. Some acknowledged what happened and said they were sorry. Some said that's the past, get over it. Some denied it. And I also tried to pursue some of my abusers in a legal way. But because the case was so old, I found out I couldn't do it, even though they acknowledged it happened.

Rachel2: The ones who wouldn't admit that they abused you, did that cause doubt in your own mind about what happened?

Holli Marshall: My parents said they were sorry about the neglect and abandonment and they should've handed me over to someone responsible to take care of me. As far as the people who denied it, no it never caused me any doubt about what happened. I live in a "total reality" situation. Unfortunately, I remember everything.

albinoalligator: For the ones who didn't acknowledge the abuse, how do you feel about them?

Holli Marshall: I feel no mercy for them, but I do feel pity for them because they have to deal with it in their own minds. And if they believe in a higher power, they'll have to deal with it then. And whatever demons they live with, that's their problem. I don't believe you have to forgive people for what they've done. That's why I say I have no mercy.

Patty Cruz: Holli Marshall, I received an email inviting me to this chat. Has it been your experience that women who have been sexually abused hide there bodies as you mentioned?

Holli Marshall: Yes Patty. I have met more that do hide their bodies because of sexual abuse, than those who don't.

Bob M: Holli, you are married now. How have you been dealing with the sexuality involved in that?

Holli Marshall: I've been married since I was 21. I'm now 27. I never experienced sexual problems and I'm fortunate I guess. I don't know why I was able to get through that, but I'm glad I was. Within the first two dates with my husband to be, I spilled my guts. I told him everything. And it basically overwhelmed him, but he looked beyond that and saw me for what I am inside and fell in love with that. I was never scared to tell him. I've been very open about my abuse issues since I was 13. I told my friends and therapists. I actually found it very helpful and therapuetic to do that.