Emily J: I didn't tell them until after I graduated from college, and I only told them because I needed medical attention and I needed a ride. Before that, I tried to hide it.

Keatherwood: Did you find that you were treated badly at the hospitals, when you had injured yourself?

Emily J: No, I was fortunate to have doctors that, at least, used numbing medication! Other self-injurers have not had such good experience with doctors. I'm ashamed of this, but most of the time I lied to the doctors so they wouldn't suspect that I was self-injuring. Of course, a couple of times it was obvious I was lying, but I was never questioned about it.

meagain: What would you say to someone who doesn't have any family for support? How would you convince them to get help?

Emily J: Well, people have to want recovery for themselves, not for their families, friends, etc. It's important to know that even without family help, and support, you are worth recovery. Sometimes friends can be your best support system.

David: Emily has been "fully recovered" for about a year. She entered into the S.A.F.E. Alternatives treatment program (Self-Abuse Finally Ends). Click the link to read the transcript from our conference with Dr. Wendy Lader, from the S.A.F.E. Alternatives program so you can find out more details about that.

Emily, can you tell us about your experience with the program. What it was like for you?

Emily J: The experience was absolutely wonderful. They helped me when years of therapy, hospitalization and medications could not. They gave me the formula for a successful recovery, but I did the work. No one did it for me. The program was extremely intense: they taught me how to feel, how to challenge myself, set boundaries and they taught me that self-injury was just a symptom of a larger problem.

David: And that larger problem was?

Emily J: Many years of pain that I did not deal with. At S.A.F.E., I dealt with my childhood abuse, my negative self-image (non-existent) and years of letting people walk all over me.

David: How long were you in the self-injury recovery program?

Emily J: It is a thirty-day program, but I petitioned to stay an extra week, so I was there for a total of thirty-seven days.

David: Can you give us a brief summary of your typical day?

Emily J: There were at least five support groups a day. Each support group covered a variety of issues such as trauma group, art and music therapy, role playing, etc. There were a total of fifteen assignments that we had to complete. Each patient had their own psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, medical doctor and a primary, who was a staff member who reviewed the writing assignments with us. When we weren't in group, we bonded with each other. We had our own "smoke room" therapy sessions.

David: Since entering the inpatient self injury treatment program a year ago, Emily has not self-injured and says she's never been happier.

Emily, what was the toughest part about the recovery, stopping self-injuring?

Emily J: Learning to deal with my emotions instead of running and injuring. I had to feel the pain, anger, sadness, etc. that I had denied myself from feeling for so long. There were these things called impulse control logs - whenever I felt like injuring I had to fill out one. The logs didn't necessarily stop the urge but it helped me to identify my feelings so I could understand why I was feeling the way I was feeling.

David: We have a lot of audience questions, Emily. Let's get to them:

Montana: Could you please give us some examples of tools that can be used to keep from self-injury?

Emily J: Building a healthy support network of friends and family; finding a healthy hobby and pursuing that. When I got to S.A.F.E., they asked that I make a list of five alternatives to self-mutilation. Talking to peers, talking to staff, and listening to music were some of my alternatives.

To be honest, I still had urges for quite a while after coming home. I did not give into them because I didn't want to go back down that road. S.A.F.E. taught me to deal with my feelings and how to handle them. I still fill out a log every once in a while.

ZBATX: Can you talk a little about separating thoughts from feelings?

Emily J: I used to say things like I feel like crap. Well, crap isn't a feeling. Anger, sadness, joy, frustration, anxiety...those are all feelings. Saying you feel like dying or feel like injuring aren't feelings - those are thoughts.

heartshapedbox33: Did you ever feel like you where addicted to cutting?

Emily J: Oh yes, definitely. I knew self-injuring was ruining my life but I was powerless to stop it. Or I thought I was powerless.

rig: Can you give us a rough estimate on the cost of these self-injury recovery programs?

Emily J: Well, the program is very expensive and it's the only inpatient program in the country specifically for self-injury. Without insurance I would say roughly $20,000 but my insurance, and many others have paid for all of it. First, I went to my therapist, and one of the program directors called my insurance company and said they could either pay for this one-time program, or continue to pay for every visit indefinitely. So they paid for it. I live outside of Illinois and they still paid. For those that simply cannot attend the program, I recommend the book "Bodily Harm" by Karen Conterio and Wendy Lader. They are the founders of S.A.F.E.

tootired: Do you think that the self injury was ever for attention?

Emily J: No, because I usually hid it when I injured.