My Self-Injury Experience - Self Injurious Behavior

David: How has the self injurious behavior affected your other relationships, in terms of having friends, etc.?

Janay: I've lost a lot of them. I push people away... I hide things... I'm tired of losing people over it.

David: What do you tell people (adults) about your scars, if they ask?

Janay: lol, at school the counselor told me to tell people I got bit by a dog, but the scars are obviously intentional. If a person is nosy enough to ask, I tell the truth. "I got upset, I took a razor, pressed it down and pulled it across my arm." Good for shock value anyway; they leave me alone. If they don't go away and they ask more, I walk away. It annoys me.

David: Here are some more audience comments on what we're talking about tonight:

loonee: I told my mum I was attacked by a dog before I told her the truth. I still say that to anyone who asks. I wasn't ready for treatment for about 5 years. I didn't want to stop. It was all I knew would stop the pain, even if only temporarily. I have tried to stop for other people; it worked for awhile but eventually I got sick of it. I just hid it better. I wore long sleeves and withdrew from them. I had to want it for myself before I could stop.

rotten_insides: One night, while I was having a cigarette outside at a concert, I overheard these 12-15 year olds talking FREELY about how they CUT themselves and how DEPRESSED they are. I was standing behind them, watching them and feeling ill, while listening to them speak of slicing open their arms and how it's "cool" watching the blood run down your arm. One says, "if you use a razor blade, you can actually cut REALLY deep and watch your wound split wide open." The other says, "Yeah, but I'm too scared to hurt myself."

Janay: rotten, I see that too. I think those kids do it because, for some reason, it's become the "cool" reject thing to do. At school, kids would draw wounds on their arms or write things like "insert razor here" on there wrists.

rotten_insides: I just don't understand people that would go around showing off their scars.

shylacious: Here's what helped me. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), for dealing with sexual abuse memories, led to a decrease in panic. Celexa dealt with depression. It's easier to not cut. It's been one month.

tinirini2000: Do you feel better now that things seem to be coming together?

Janay: Yea, I do. I am proud of myself for coming this far.

tinirini2000: That's really good, Janay. I'm really proud of you! You have come a long way! :-)

jess_d: I think it's really great that you're talking to people about this. I know for me it makes me feel like I'm not alone in my struggle.

David:One other thing I wanted to touch on tonight, Janay. You are a black woman. I have been with HealthyPlace.com for 14 months, since we opened, and have not heard of another black woman who self-injures. Do you know of other black women who are invovled in self-injury?

Janay: I met two black girls in the hospital who self injure, but I don't talk to them anymore. My dad is white, and I've grown up in a white community. My mom and the rest of my family say I'm like this because I hang around white people and I think I'm white. ::shrug:: go figure. I know a couple of black guys that cut, though.

David: Here are a few more audience comments:

anaj2281: lol. We have a lot in common, Janay. I cut, my father is white, my mother is black, and my name is Jana.

jess_d: My dad is white too and my mom is hispanic. The rest of my family say I think I'm white, too, because I grew up with mostly white kids.

loonee: rotten, I think that showing off scars is, for some people, a way of dealing with what they do. Making a joke of the fact that they do it may help them mask the reasons why they do it.

anaj2281: I self injure, and although I am multiracial, I mainly consider myself black.

David: I know it's getting very late. Thank you, Janay, for being our guest tonight and for sharing this information with us. And to those in the audience, thank you for coming and participating. I hope you found it helpful. We have a very large and active community here at HealthyPlace.com. You will always find people in the chatrooms and interacting with various sites. Also, if you found our site beneficial, I hope you'll pass our URL around to your friends, mail list buddies, and others.
http://www.healthyplace.com

Thank you, again, Janay, for sharing your life with us.

Janay: You're welcome. Thank you for inviting me.

David: Have a good night, everyone.

Disclaimer: We are not recommending or endorsing any of the suggestions of our guest. In fact, we strongly encourage you to talk over any therapies, remedies or suggestions with your doctor BEFORE you implement them or make any changes in your treatment.

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