The Damage Caused By Sexual Abuse - The Damage Caused By Sexual Abuse

David: I'm wondering Dr. Ewart, if the further abuse has to be sexual abuse, or can it be emotional abuse or physical abuse too?

Dr. Ewart: All abuse has the same results. All abuse is communication at it's strongest form, and that is brainwashing.

David: Here are some more audience responses to my question:

If you have been abused; have you discovered that your personality has left you open for further emotional abuse, physical abuse, or sexual abuse?

marque: Yeah, to a point in my life. Then, I think I turned it inward in order to 'protect' myself from others.

wintersgold: Yes, I feel my personality has left me open for further abuse because I am twice divorced from abusive men.

bales_of_hay: Yes, very much so. The frustration with that though, is that you are constantly telling yourself that you would never let anyone ever do anything abusive to you again...but it always seems to happen.

MsJune: Yes, where one neighbor left off, about the age of 13, another one picked-up. Then I jumped into a relationship with a man I knew for hours, moved in with him, and found that he was extremely abusive. This followed a 2 year "fling" with a married man. He was 29, and I was 17.

Dr. Ewart: That's a perfect example, MsJune. Under the circumstances, you could not have done otherwise. Remember that there is no normal way to respond to craziness.

We B 100: I feel like I could still be controlled by my father (my abuser) mainly because he is so manipulative. Is this common among victims?

Dr. Ewart: It is universal, web100. Again, the greater the abuse, the greater the loyalty. That's the prisoner of war syndrome. Always remember that possession is the opposite of love, and that love always fosters freedom.

daffyd: Is the same pattern of abuse seen in men or boys who have been abused? Are most predators men, or are there women predators too?

Dr. Ewart: Good questions, daffyd. There are also women predators. There is a chapter in my book devoted to a man's life story. Little girls are abused more often than little boys but not by much. When boys are abused, they tend not to become abusive, but to be very sensitive to abuse and careful not to abuse others. This is the opposite of what most people believe.

marque: I wonder where those who were abused, who turn into abusers fit into this? Underlining the fact that I know they're a minority!

Dr. Ewart: They're simply an exception to the rule, marque. Let me add that some predators might be predators, no matter how they are raised.

delitenhim: Does a predator know they are a predator, or could it just be part of their personality?

Dr. Ewart: It's not part of their personality. It's part of their character. And they do know that they are a predator and they choose to remain that way. No form of therapy has proven to be successful in changing them.

David: Here are a few more audience comments on what's been said tonight:

wintersgold: Now, when someone seems to be "too nice", I run because I don't trust anymore. Nice equals hurt and pain.

guardian: My ex was abused and he was abusive to me.

LauraM: I have a question, Dr. Is it possible to actually become dependant on abuse? Many times I feel that I have developed a whole web around it hard to break, because in some ways it gives a lot of support to many things in my life. It makes me take off responsibility over many things on my life. Can that be a reason for the constant "victimization"?

Dr. Ewart: LauraM, there's obviously a payoff to being a victim, and I don't mean this as an insult, but there are victims who choose to remain that way because it relieves them of all responsibilities. And I'm not saying that you are one of these people, but there are such people.

LauraM: I mainly meant using abuse as some kind of "crutch". I am a victim, so most things that happen to me or that I do, are not my fault. I don't say this to others, but to myself mostly. I am breaking that, but still sometimes think this way.

Dr. Ewart: That is the "my fault" mentality that is common in abuse. It sounds like you are trying to overcome the my fault mentality, but not in a constructive way.

Jazzmo07: Is it worse, or the same, if one was sexually abused by both parents?

Dr. Ewart: I would say that it's worse, because it's crazier, and the degree of craziness determined the degree of reaction, Jazzmo06. And again, there is no normal way to respond to craziness. But seeing it as craziness does help.

David: Before we sign off, I want to invite everyone to visit the HealthyPlace.com Abuse Issues Community, and to sign up for the mail list at the top of the page, so that you can keep up with events like this.

I know it's getting late. Thank you Dr. Ewart for being our guest tonight. I think this conversation and topic has been very enlightening. From the audience comments, for the most part, it seems to have been helpful.

Dr. Ewart: Thank you. It's been an honor to be here. I wish power to every member here tonight.

David: It certainly brings the topic of revictimization to the forefront of our thoughts, and the need to realize that it can happen makes us aware that there's something we can do to prevent it.

I also want to thank everyone in the audience for coming and participating tonight.

Dr. Ewart: Good night all.

David: Thank you again, Dr. Ewart, and good night everyone.

Disclaimer: We are not recommending or endorsing any of the suggestions of our guest. In fact, we strongly encourage you to talk over any therapies, remedies or suggestions with your doctor BEFORE you implement them or make any changes in your treatment.

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