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Page 1 of 2 The Target Hardening series is designed to protect your child from child molesters. Learn these child abuse prevention techniques here
A quote from Lieutenant Hayes on why the series was written:
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Police Lt. Hayes
"I wanted to make them appear in a form that others would know they were non-threatening to their children. This way, they could feel comfortable in doing it. As we both know, there are many children who live safe lives. By giving these tips, parents can work with and develop good relationships with their children whether or not the children were harmed."
"That's a win-win situation for all involved."
©Hayes 1999 reprinted w/permission
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Part 1
Abusers will use various tools in an effort to break down the inhibitions of children. They use 'official' looking books with illustrations or photos of nude people, porno magazines, and photographs depicting nudity. They know children are susceptible to these tactics.
I want to concentrate on photos. Unless an abuser is dealing with a really disreputable photo processor or develops their own photos, they don't use negative film. Videos, Polaroid film, and now electronic digital cameras are a boon to them as there is no photo processing.
That said, Now The Plan:
Get all the kids together so you can sort through photographs. Have photos of family members, ancestors, relatives, good times, pictures of the kids with friends, ones of family outings and talk about the good times. Work with the kids to put together one or more family albums. Talk about the good memories each of the photos represents. You can do this over several sessions as small children have short attention spans.
Now with the album(s) complete, spend some more good quality time with your children. Pick a day of the week when you will be free and able to spend time together without interruption. Set it up and stick to the time. It could be on the weekend or on an afternoon when the two of you will be alone. I recommend you do some of this alone with each child as it will become your SPECIAL time together.
Maybe once a month, pull out the album. Go through it with the child. Pick random photos and talk with your child about the memories concerning that particular photo. It might be of a favorite relative who is making good in the world and talk about what that person is doing now. It might be about the child's birthday and the special present they received, what funny things happened during the party, or any other things which took place.
Watch your child as you talk about different people in the photos. Your child may show some dislike for an individual, activity or place depicted. Question your child about this dislike. You may find out they don't like the sport they are playing, or you may find out the coach is making your child uncomfortable through unwanted advances.
Talk to your child about photos and how they help us to remember important times. Talk about how they now have a life outside the family in school, boy scouts, brownies, sports, and any other activity they may be involved in regularly. Let them know you want to be part of those areas of their lives. You want to be able to share those memories as well.
Let them know there will be times photos will be taken of them when they are involved in those other activities. Explain how important it is to you and the rest of the family to INCLUDE those photos in the album. Let them know you will get copies of those photos and have the child tell the story behind the photo and have the honor of placing it in the family album. Inform them it is very important to you to know EVERY time a photo is taken of them so you may get a copy of it.
When your child tells you a photo has been taken, calmly find out who has taken it. Also find out the purpose for the picture. It may be a class photo posted on the bulletin board. It may be an action shot of PeeWee football. It may have been taken for any number of reasons which are legitimate.
Here is YOUR action part. Go to the person who took the photo and ask to see it. Anyone taking legitimate photos will show you immediately. At this point, ask if you can get a copy of the photo for your album. Remember you are keeping a promise to your child. The child will be able to display the picture to the family, talk about the circumstances surrounding it and have the pleasure of putting it in the family album.
If the person won't show you the photo, go to their superior. Explain your purpose and the lack of cooperation calmly. Don't take NO for an answer. Keep going until you get your answers and see the picture.
This is a method you can use when your child is young....around the ages of 5 to 8 years old. Of course, you know your child better than I and may be able to start at a younger age. If you are able to establish this kind of relationship at this age, it is very likely your child will grow up to be open in discussions with you about many things.
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