Family members, friends are often shocked when learning of the self-injurious activities of a loved one. Dr. Tracy Alderman, author of "The Scarred Soul," discusses how to help the person who self-injures.

After having an awful day at work and an even worse time fighting the traffic to come home, Joan wanted nothing more than to sit down on her couch, turn on the television, order out for pizza and relax for the rest of the evening. But when Joan walked into the kitchen, what she saw indicated that this would not be the evening of her dreams. Standing in front of the sink was her fourteen year old daughter, Maggie. Maggie's arms were covered with blood, long slashes on her forearms dripping fresh blood into the running water of the kitchen sink. A single edged razor blade sat on the counter along with several once-white towels, now stained crimson by Maggie's own blood. Joan dropped her briefcase and stood before her daughter in silent shock, unable to believe what she saw.

It is likely that many of you have had a similar experience and reaction to learning of the self-injurious activities of a loved one. This article is intended to provide some support, advice, and education to those of you who have friends and family who engage in activities of self-inflicted violence.

Self-Inflicted Violence: The Basics

Self-Inflicted Violence (SIV) is best described as the intentional harm of one's own body without conscious suicidal intent. Most types of SIV involve cutting of one's own flesh (usually the arms, hands, or legs), burning one's self, interfering with the healing of wounds, excessive nail biting, pulling out one's own hair, hitting or bruising one's self, and intentionally breaking one's own bones. SIV is more common than you might think with roughly 1% of the general population engaging in these behaviors (and this is likely to be greatly underestimated). The explanations for why people intentionally injure themselves are numerous and diverse. However, most of these explanations indicate that SIV is used as a method of coping and tends to make life more tolerable (at least temporarily).

How Can I Help Those Who Are Hurting Themselves?

Unfortunately, there is no magic cure for self-inflicted violence. However, there are some things which you can do (and some things you shouldn't do) which can help those individuals who are hurting themselves. Keep in mind though, that unless someone wants your help, there is nothing in the world that you can do to assist that individual.

Talk About Self-Inflicted Violence

SIV exists whether you talk about it or not. As you know, ignoring anything does not make it disappear. The same is true with self-inflicted violence: it will not go away because you are pretending it doesn't exist.

Talking about self-inflicted violence is essential. Only through open discussions of SIV will you be able to help those who are hurting themselves. By addressing the issues of self-injury you are removing the secrecy which surrounds these actions. You are reducing the shame attached to self-inflicted violence. You are encouraging connection between you and your self-injuring friends. You are helping to create change just by the mere fact that you are willing to discuss SIV with the person who performs those behaviors.

You may not know what to say to the individual who is performing acts of SIV. Fortunately, you don't have to know what to say. Even by acknowledging that you want to talk, but you're not sure how to proceed, you are opening the channels of communication.