How to Help the Person Who Self-Injures - Getting Help

Written by Tracy Alderman, Ph.D.

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Get Help For Your Own Reactions

Most of us have had the experience at some point in our lives of feeling distressed by our reactions to someone else's behavior. Al Anon and similar self-help groups were created to help the friends and families of individuals dealing with problems of addiction and similar behaviors. At this point in time no such organizations exist for those coping with a loved one's SIV behaviors. However, the basic premise upon which these groups were designed clearly applies to the issue of self-inflicted violence. Sometimes the behavior of others affects us in such a profound manner that we need help in dealing with our reactions. Entering psychotherapy to deal with your responses to SIV is one such way to handle the reactions which you may find to be overwhelming or disturbing.

You may find it strange to seek help for someone else's problem. However, the behaviors of others can have profound effects on us. This effect is further strengthened by the mysteriousness, secrecy, and misconceptions about self-inflicted violence. Thus, entering psychotherapy (with a knowledgeable clinician) can educate you about SIV as well as assist you in understanding and altering your own reactions. When you learn that a friend or family member is injuring herself, you are likely to have an intense emotional reaction and psychotherapy will help you deal with these reactions.

Sometimes asking for help is really difficult. The individuals who have come to you telling you of their SIV and asking for your help are highly aware of this. Follow in their path. If you need (or want) help, get it. Seek a trained professional. Ask some friends for support. Speak with a religious counsel if that's helpful. Whatever you need to do in order to take care of yourself, do it. You have to take care of yourself before you can assist another. When trying to help friends and family members who are injuring themselves, this point is critical. We cannot be of much use to anyone else if we, ourselves are in a state of need.

Tracy Alderman, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist and author of a well-known book on self-injury, "The Scarred Soul".

next: What Parents and Teenagers Can Do About Self-Injury