Learn by Example

All or nothing thinking: seeing things in black and white, perfect/failure. Rebuttal: No more absolutes. Remember the gray zone. There are many gradiations of good and bad in all I, and others, do. Nothing is totally one way or another.
Overgeneralization: seeing a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat. Rebuttal: total removal of all thinking and all terms, such as every, none, nobody, everybody, never, always, etc. What evidence have I got for this conclusion?

Mental filter: a single negative detail, dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors the entire beaker of water. Rebuttal: Look for balance. Include the positive, as well as the negative. "There I go again, looking for rejection." Look for alternatives other than only the negative viewpoint. Look for the opposite of the negative filter: i.e., if you only see rejection, write descriptions of the times when you where accepted and loved. For example, if you obsessively look for instances of failure, describe situations of success.

Disqualifying the positive: rejecting positive experiences by insisting they don't count for some reason or another. In this way you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences. Rebuttal: balanced thoughts, rebut rejections by suspending judgement. Have positive, as well as negative, thoughts. Remember, everyone makes mistakes - it's just human; I can acknowledge mistakes and move on; I'm not in charge of others; I accept the consequences for my actions, but I will not wallow in guilt over the year... how am I maximizing the negative and minimizing the positive right now?

Jumping to conclusions: making a negative conclusion even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion. Rebuttal: be specific, what is the evidence? This is only a hypothesis that needs to be checked out. What is the proof? Stop thinking this way!!

Mind reading: you conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you and you don't bother to check this out. Rebuttal: I have no way of knowing what they're thinking. The only way to know other's opinions is to ask them straight and then believe their answers. I need to check things out with others before assuming. Why assume that what others mean is negative? What are the facts? Intuition is just an excuse for guessing.

The fortune teller error: anticipating that things will turn out badly, and convinced that your prediction is an already established fact. Rebuttal: Things will turn out as they will, I can't predict the future. Things could also turn out well for me. I will allow good things to happen to me by not expecting the bad.

Magnification: otherwise known as catastrophizing, exaggerate the importance of things, such as your mistake. Rebuttal: what evidence do I have, honestly assess the situation in terms of odds or percent of probability, not impressions/mind reading. Moderate your response, i.e., perhaps it wouldn't be that bad. Instead of terrible, awfulizing, the worst that could happen isn't really that bad, is it? How awful is it? If it happens, so what?

Minimization: of positives, inappropriately shrinking things down until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or others person's imperfections... this is also called the "binocular trick"... looking into the wrong end of the binoculars. Rebuttal: What's another way of looking at the situation?

Emotional reasoning: assuming the negative emotions reflect the way things really are... I feel it, therefore it must be true. Feelings AREN'T facts! Rebuttal: feelings can lie, often they do! Omit emotionally loaded words like love, hate, depressed, etc. Look for thoughts underlying painful emotions - what is your belief system? Distrust all sudden feelings to assess the underlying maladaptive beliefs. What am I telling myself that makes me feel so sad, anxious, angry? Correct the thoughts and make an emotional shift.

Should statements: you try to motivate yourself with the "shoulds" and the "shouldn'ts," as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. "Musts" and "oughts" are also offenders here. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct should statements towards others, you feel anger, frustration and resentment. Rebuttal: Re-examine and question personal rules or expectations that include words such as...

• Should, Ought, Must: flexible rules and values do not have these words because they leave room for exceptions and special circumstances. Think of three exceptions to those rules. Why should things be this way, things are as they are... Focus on each persons uniqueness/unique circumstances, your unique needs, circumstances, limitations, fears and pleasures. Just because you think things should go this way or that doesn't mean others think this way.

Labelling/Mislabelling: instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself "I'm a loser," "I'm mentally ill." When some else's behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him "he's a _____". Mislabelling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded. Rebuttal: Look for negative nouns such as slob, failure, bum, coward, etc. Negative verbs: to lose, to fail, to waist, to disgust, etc. Look for negative adjectives: lazy, stupid, ugly, weak, clumsy, hopeless, etc. Be specific! Labels pertain only to a part of ourselves, be balanced, include positives as well. Stop!!! This is just a label!!! It doesn't describe!!!! This is not the whole "me". I refuse to call myself names. I refuse to allow others to call me names or label me in any way. Global labels never are true. Describe behavior, not labelling. I'm focusing on a single characteristic, not the whole person. Is this ALWAYS true, or only now, or some of the time.

Personalization: you see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which in fact you were not primarily responsible for. Taking things personally. Rebuttal: Realistically, most of what goes on in the world has nothing to do with you. Check things out. What is really your area of responsibility? Assume nothing. Stop comparing yourself. Everyone is different, with strong and weak points. Everyone else is too concerned with their own stuff to worry about me, they're not watching me. What is the emotional responsibility others have in this situation?

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