My Journal: Being A Rape Survivor - My Journal as a Rape Survivor

Written by Lis

Monday, January 10th, 2000

Wow. A whole lot has changed since my last entry.

I am transferring from Union to Oberlin College.

I am a little nervous about moving from one school to another. I had sort of figured out the "safe" and "not safe" places on Union's campus and I am not looking forward to having to figure all of that out again somewhere else. Yucky.

I'm going to be living in a single at my new school, like I did at Union. Of course, I still have my trusty pepper spray, which makes me feel safer even though I'm not sure that I know how to use it correctly.

Anyway, the change should be good. I was beginning to feel very exposed at Union (which happens when you run the story of your rape in the school newspaper), and although I think it was a great step in my healing, I'm looking forward to being anonymous for a while.

Friday, March 3rd, 2000

Today I got an email from Debbie Andrews of RAINN (The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network). She wanted me to speak on a talk show called Trackers on the oxygen channel. They were doing a show about sexual assault. So I agreed and what I had to do was call an 800 number at a certain time and then they kept me on hold while I listened to the show, and then eventually they were like, "Hi Lis, blah blah" and started talking to me. IT WAS BIZARRE.

Well, you won't believe it. After I spoke on the show, I signed online (I was supposed to stay on the phone to listen to the rest of the show) to check my mail. As soon as I signed on, I got an instant message from Shannon (who created the wonderful website Welcome to Barbados, who I have been friends with for a year or so) and she said, "So, are you Lis from Ohio? Cause I'm on next!" I couldn't believe it. She was on the show, too! We chatted while we were listening to the show. Isn't that funny!

I'm really glad that I got the opportunity to do the show. I think it airs on March 25th. The show is called "Life in Progress." Check it out if you get a chance!

Wednesday, March 28, 2001

Okay, so it has been over a year since I last wrote in this journal and a whole lot has changed. I am in love with a wonderful man, who is coming to therapy with me to deal with "sex issues." Our sexual relationship is the healthiest by far of any that I have been in, but since I have huge issues surrounding sex, we thought it would be a good idea to work on them before they became a problem. I am also in individual therapy.

Recently, I was able to take part in the Boxes for Pandora documentary. It was a really great experience and I think it is going to make a wonderful film. You should check it out if you get a chance.

I also got a dog, which was one of the things on the home safety list that I hadn't done yet. He is a big, scary looking dog, too, which helps me feel safe. He is an American Bulldog and I got him from my local animal shelter. My boyfriend also has a dog (a Golden Retriever), and since we began living together, I have had two big dogs to protect me. I highly recommend it. They really help me to feel secure in my apartment, and I have even felt safe enough to take a couple walks at night with my boyfriend and the two dogs.

So that is basically where I am right now. I stopped taking Paxil about five months ago and now I take Xanax for panic attacks. They are very few and far between, though, because I am really dealing well with the rape and its after-effects right now.

next: What is Rape?