"I know it will get better?"

If you have ever said those words, READ THIS!

I cannot count the number of times I told myself that!

It was usually followed by one or more of the following:

• "IF I JUST ...wear that dress."
• "IF I JUST ...don't wear that dress."
• "IF I JUST ...talk to that person."
• "IF I JUST ...don't talk to that person."
• "IF I JUST ...read that book, watch that movie, play that song."
• "IF I JUST ...don't read that book, watch that movie, play that song."
• "IF I JUST ...cook that dish."
• "IF I JUST ...don't cook that dish anymore."

Does this sound familiar? The sad part is, no matter which one worked on Monday, it didn't work on Tuesday. I never understood that. I always thought I could "fix" the problem. I thought I was the problem! It took months of counseling for me to realize that I couldn't fix anything. He was the way he was, and nothing I could say/not say, do/not do, eat/not eat, wear/not wear, etc, would change any of it. It was part of his "game," to keep me totally off-balance, and therefore in control.

My friend, if you are experiencing any of the above scenarios, let me say this: these are DEFINITE signs of abuse, and IT WILL NOT GET BETTER! The abuser will use those tricks to confuse you and make you think you are crazy. Indeed, it WILL drive you nuts!

If you see that he is using those tactics to keep you off-balance, you should go to the page I call "Turn the Tables."

These are little things that, if you use them correctly, will turn the tables on him, so to speak - and he won't know what hit him. I've borrowed them from Patricia Evans, and her book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship. If you haven't read it yet, GET IT!!!

next: Must-Read Books on Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence