|
Page 2 of 9
Everything was spotless but it was not good enough for his mother. I ironed the family's clothes did their laundry,washed their dirty dishes.I could not eat until he was satisfied with his food.If he did not like it he made me eat it and told his family not to touch my food He cursed my family, me ,said we had no integrity, no dignity .I made one mistake of talking to his friend's wife and asking her for advise on my problems.I was punished for that.I needed to be disciplined according to him.I was under constant surveillance and everything i did was monitored. I was forced to shovel and clean the driveway and the deck in the severe winter steorm of february even though i had a bad flue.My husband cursed me for being a lazy bitch and for making it an excuse for not wanting to work.I suffered the flue for 3 weeks after that.I was not allowed rest and medications.He did not allow me to sleep on the same room with him while i was sick. Outside the library he punched me and pushed me against the wall because he thought i was chatting with some guy in the library.He cursed my family and threatenned to terminate me.People saw this and just walked by.Nobody came to my help. He went to party with his family leaving me alone in the house. I was not allowed to attend their private parties because i was nt sophisticated enough. 'What is your net worth?' he always asked me.H e said things will improve if i start practising as a physician or i give him a boy. I really wanted a baby i thought a baby will save the MArriage.He told me i was illegal so i could not work or apply for a job.He said i needed to give his family 5 years for them to trust me. He said the FBI was looking for me and the only way safe for me was to live with him.He said if my parents even came close to his house he will have them arrested. I was his personal property ,my parents did not own me. He said he had life insurance on me if i left him he gets $250.000 but if he dies his life insurance money goes to the family trust .I dont get any share of that.He made me sign a postnuptial according t which i cannot recieve any form of spousal benefit.He said he woll make me sign a paper which will give him full parental custody of a child when i am pregnant. I lived with him for 9 months i still did not have the house keys.My name was not even on the house or the car.I could not even get a driver's licence.I was not allowed to learn driving because i did not need to go out. I was not given any money.Whatever i wanted i had to tell his mother or my husband to buy for me. I was not allowed to eat cake, chocolate, nuts, and certain fruit i could not sleep until he wanted me to sleep be it 1 am or 4 am.sometimes he wanted to do some home projects so i was supposed to work with him like cleaning his tools, arranging and putting things together till 4 am in the morning.I could not sleep because we were the home team.Once i slept at 10 pm while he was still working on his prOPERTY.He woke me up from sleep and accused me of taking drugs and told me to leave his house. He threatened to leave me ,he threatened to kill me. he threatened to expose me, he threatened to deport me. He said i only wasted his time .The minute he has evidence against me i will be instantly terminated.His favorite term: instant termination. He said he has my nude pictures on the internet on a website called 'hotsabin.com' his mother told me i was a bad example for the younger sons because she wanted them to marry into traditional pakistani families while i was totally opposite of that.Whatever i did was not good enough.I tried hard ,very hard but they were always finding faults in me. I could not even sit in the bedroom with the door closed because they thought it was too disrespectful. I have made many mistakes in this marriage..i should never have gone back to him...i should have left the first time he slapped me...i should have had him arrested..i am so depressed and pray to God to help me with all this. On march 25, 2003 he told me to leave his house because according to his resources i was on a special contraceptive injection.No mater what i said he did not believe me.I was a lier, a thief, a traitor, an unfaithful bitch.He kicked me on my face...i found out later i was pregnant...i did not know then.Although he did not kick my stomach .But i was unable to save the baby.I had thought of other options but deep down inside i did want the baby.I did not get anything from this marriage. I know whatever happened for the best ..the baby would have had to face many difficulties in life.. The saddest part of all this is that even after all that happened i still care for my husband.I did not get him arrested because i loved him.I was confused and wanted my marriage to work.But now i have decided not to go back.I am going to recover and not repeat the mistake twice. Thank you for listening to me sabin My advice to others trying to getout of the situation is to document everything he says to you.Try to record on tape the next time he abuses you.Don't think it will get better .The chances of him changing are zero.
jewlie -
Comments - My relationship only lasted 5 months with a man who I believed suffers from bipolar disorder. His mental illness turned my life upside down. I met him in January 2003. I noticed him in a bar, standing by himself, looking a little awkward and uneasy. I watched him for a while and decided I like the way he looked. He was a good-looking man, nice build and sweet smile. I wondered why he stood there all alone? Buying him that first drink was the beginning of months filled with abuse and violence. I didn’t see him too much in the first few months after we met. We would spend weekends together. I hated when he had to go. We had so much fun together and I always looked forward to the next time I saw him. He was very affectionate and attentive. It wasn’t until March that I started noticing some unusual mood swings. And not just mood swings where someone is moody or miserable. I was either wonderful or perfect or evil and rotten. There never seemed to be a middle ground with him. I later learned that people who are bipolar are highly intolerant and unable to deal with the gray area in life. He was incredibly needy and emotionally dependant on me, needing constant reassurance, which I just couldn’t give. Maybe because I am an independent person, who likes time alone and doesn’t need other people compliments to keep me strong. I got him to see a doctor about his mood swings, he was diagnosed with depression and prescribed an antidepressant. The physical abuse started shortly after. The abuse always seemed worse when there was alcohol involved. We were at a bar having some drinks and I had decided to go and talk with a doorman who I used to work with ten years ago. My ex lost his mind. He told me I was being disrespectful and wondered how I could leave him standing there all alone. He slammed his glass into the wall, tearing off the top of his thumb. There was blood everywhere, I was trying to help stop the bleeding but he was yelling at me to get away from him. I calmed him down enough to get him into a cab and headed home. That was one night I should have left on my own. He was screaming and yelling at me in the cab about the horrible crime I had committed by talking to an old friend. He wondered how I could have disrespected him like that. He spit in my face and wrapped his fingers around my neck. I punched him clear in the face but received the exact same back along my jawbone. The next weekend was less violent; he mostly just tried to intimidate me. He showed his power by breaking my cordless phone, smashing it to the floor and kicked in my car destroying the front console. After that it only got worse. It was near the end of March and he was very upset that I didn’t want to have sex with him. It was difficult to be affectionate and loving to someone who was constantly verbally abusive. I told him I’d sleep on the couch. That was fine with him – for about ten minutes. I knew he wouldn’t stay in the bedroom because he never really sleeps. He approached me screaming and yelling, swearing and degrading about how I was his girlfriend and he should be allowed to have sex with me anywhere at anytime. He opened one beer after another, spraying each all over my apartment. My walls, cupboards, mirrors and floors were drenched in beer. I tried to run out the door but only got half way up the steps before I felt a hand on my arm. Before I knew it I was being pulled down my cement steps by my hair and pushed back into my apartment. He demanded I sleep in the bed. I didn’t want to, I just wanted to go to sleep. It felt like I hadn’t slept in months already. He broke my keyboard into two pieces just to make sure I understood who was in control. He made me perform oral sex on him as I cried and begged him not to make me do it. I though if I just complied with his wishes, he would let me finally go to sleep. It was already 5am and I was exhausted. The next two weeks were quiet. We decided to head out to a bar to play pool. I put some money down on the pool table and joined him at the bar for some drinks. I was up next so I got up and put my money in the table. I called for him to join me but he was in a conversation with someone at the bar. I decided to play by myself. I put my drink on a table where sat a black man and a chinese man. I finished my game only to look up and see him standing there, watching me. He walked out of the bar. I followed to see what I’d done to upset him now. He started screaming about how I wanted the black guy and how much he detested them. His kick nearly broke the headlight on my car. I ran and hid for awhile. I could see him pacing the parking lot, getting more agitated by the second. I had to find a way to my car, to get out – but I knew he would make it back to my house and things would be even worse.
|
