Low Sexual Desire

continued from

It's all in your head

Physiological problems can also lead to a loss of sexual desire. Men with abnormal pituitary glands can overproduce the hormone prolactin, which usually turns off the sex drive. As reported in a recent issue of the International Journal of Impotence Research, tests of a drug that blocks prolactin found it increased the libido in healthy males.

In women, some experts believe that one cause of weak sexual desire is, ironically, low testosterone levels. Normally associated with brawny, deep-voiced men, testosterone is a hormone with a definite masculine identity. But women also make small amounts of it in their ovaries, and it plays an important role in their sexual lives. Without a healthy level of testosterone in the blood, some researchers believe, women are unable to properly respond to sexual stimuli. Furthermore, there is anecdotal evidence that testosterone supplements can restore the sex drive in women.

Rosemary Basson, M.D., of the Vancouver Hospital and Health Sciences Center in British Columbia, however, cautions that too little is known about the role testosterone plays in women. "We don't even know how much testosterone is normal," Basson says. "The tests designed for men can't pick up the levels found in women."

In one study suggesting that HSD is more psychological than physiological, Basson and her colleagues tested the effects of Viagra on women who reported arousal problems. Basson found that while the drug generally produced the physical signals of sexual arousal, many women reported that they still didn't feel turned on.

Indeed, many psychologists and sex therapists believe that most patients with HSD have sound bodies and troubled relationships. The clinical experience of Weeks has shown that two factors identified in a relationship can, over time, devastate the sex drive: chronically suppressed anger toward the partner and a lack--or loss--of control over the relationship. And once these issues threaten a healthy sex drive, lack of intimacy can aggravate the problems further. Without help, these issues can balloon until the relationship itself is seriously damaged. And, consequently, HSD becomes further entrenched.

Lacking the desire for desire

Although HSD is one of the most difficult to address of all sexual problems, it can be treated successfully. The key is to find a highly qualified sex and marital therapist who has experience in dealing with it. Unfortunately, while HSD is the most common problem that sex therapists see, millions of cases go untreated.

Some people who lack desire are just too embarrassed to seek help, especially men. Others are so focused on immediate concerns--such as a stressful job or a family crisis--that they put off dealing with the loss of a healthy libido. Still others have become so used to having no sex drive that they no longer miss it; they lack the desire for desire. These people represent the most severe cases--the hardest to treat.

Some people who don't get treatment find ways to adjust. "Thank goodness my husband is so patient and caring," Pam says. "He tries to spark interest, but when it is not ignited he'll settle for cuddling and caressing."

Other relationships can't survive the strain. After a year, Kelly and her boyfriend broke up. "I couldn't convince him that it was a problem," she says, "but it was."

FOR MEN ONLY

It's a paradox: Men are generally characterized as being ready, willing and able for sex at just about any moment of the day or night. But recent surveys show that up to 20 percent of men report little or no sexual desire. And the stereotype of the horny male makes it difficult for men with HSD to get to a healthy level of desire. Instead of getting stuck in a self-perpetuating loop of comparing one's own desire to the stereotype, men can try these techniques:

* LINKING INTIMACY AND SEX

There are plenty of men who boldly--and coldly--go from one conquest to the next. For them, sex is just sex. But many men don't feel this way. In fact, quite a few need to work their way up from zero. One way to get going is to link sex with intimacy. A walk on a quiet beach or caressing in front of a fireplace can eventually lead to lovemaking. Even more important is sharing a feeling of closeness and providing genuine emotional support. Satisfying a partner in this way can build a sense of accomplishment--and trust--that can help lead to increased desire.

* DON'T LOOK OVER YOUR SHOULDER

Sexy clothing, dim lighting and suggestive play should get men in the mood. But rather than turn men with HSD on, the extra attention can backfire. Trying to force your partner into the mood can result in anxiety and frustration for both of you.

Sometimes the best way for men to get around this block is to look for the underlying problem. Going slowly, without pressure, and getting professional help can point you toward a solution.

* BAHISH PESSIMISM

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After a while, one may wonder if desire will ever return. And sometimes, heartfelt attempts at change--even through therapy--can lead nowhere.

Don't give up. Getting past HSD often takes months, and sometimes years. A sex therapist may be needed to help guide a couple in building intimacy. And it takes work to deal with the issues that have suppressed desire. But this sort of work can result in a stronger overall relationship--and lead to desires and pleasures long forgotten.

Last updated: 10/02.  Last reviewed: 11/05.

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