Exercises to Rekindle Sexual Desire

To begin, talk about your sexual inhibitions, feelings, anxieties and expectations then ask your partner to agree that penetrative sex will not be an issue for a while. On your own, gently touch and stroke your naked body - lightly massage and caress yourself - perhaps in a warm shower, bath, in bed or on a soft rug, using a water-based lubricant, or body lotion, or soap lather or your own saliva. Think about your sexual feelings - 'listen' with your emotions as your fingers gently touch each part of your body, concentrate on your 'self' and what feelings (emotional and physical) arouse and stimulate you.

When you've become confident about self-stimulation and massage, try these techniques with your partner. Find the right time and place for the exploration to begin - use massage oil, lotion and lubricants if you wish - start slowly and sensuously with no goal other than relaxation, 'two-ness' and feeling good. Recall from your own self-stimulation what touches and caresses a roused or relaxed you and ask your partner to try them. Gently massage, touch and explore your partner's body - find out what stimulates or relaxes your partner, remember to go slowly.

Unless you both feel so inclined, avoid touching each other's genitals, you're aiming to re-acquaint yourself with your partner's body - the pressure of sex (whether from you or your partner) must not be an issue. Don't pressure, or be pressured by your partner to take these exercises too quickly. When you're both ready, start to touch and caress each other's genitals, softly and in tune with what you both desire - and remember to tell each other what is and what isn't a turn-on.

These exercises should continue for as long as it takes both partners to feel confident about having sex together - but remembering that penetration should not necessarily be the goal of each and every sexual encounter.

Last updated: 8/05

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