Sex and Intimacy

There is a saying which goes, "Men will do anything for sex, even love. Women will do anything for love, even sex." What is needed is for men and women to bridge the differences between them, rather than men being 'right' or women being 'right.'

Definitions and realities are in order here.

1. Not all women are alike. Some women are more evolved than other women.
2. Not all men are alike. Some men are more evolved than other men.
3. Gender identity is the sense we have of belonging either to the male half of the human race or the female half of the race.
4. Gender conceit is when either sex assumes that what is natural and preferred for her/his sex is correct for both sexes.

In our culture, as in almost any culture, powerful expectations of how males and females should behave exists. Until recently, in our culture, the male was expected to be aggressive and detached from emotion, while the woman was expected to be nurturing and "in touch" with her emotions.

Although our gender expectations are changing, they change slowly. There are definite differences in place already for both men and women that are caused by the way we were socialized as children. In addition, each sex thinks his/her sex is the correct one.

Gender identification is so ingrained in our psyche that we are certain "we are right!" When we are accused of being wrong for being the way society made us, we become defensive.

It is also common to think the other sex is the same as our sex. Nothing could be further from the truth. For either sex to assume that what is natural and preferred for his sex or her sex is correct for both sexes has been called "gender conceit."

Men and women both want to be loved. Men and women both want to be respected. Each sex has valid, but different, approaches to love, intimacy, and sex. They do have different views of what it takes to be loved and respected.

Actually, what is needed is for men and women to bridge the differences between them rather than men being "right" or women being "right." We need to understand the opposite sex.

There is a saying which goes, "Men will do anything for sex, even love. Women will do anything for love, even sex." For men, being sexually active is being alive and fulfilled. It confirms their masculinity and raises their self-esteem. For women, being hugged, touched, caressed, and cuddled is often much more important than sex.

Men are easily aroused. Women must often give themselves permission to "turn on."

Last updated: 8/05

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