Why Men Pay For Sex

Up to 70% of men will go to a prostitute once. To find out why, Marie Claire exclusively arranged for three prostitutes to interview their clients.

Tom* is in his early 40s. He is
a professional, "like a CPA," and
a married man who has "had a
couple of girlfriends on the side,
mainly out of necessity "He
doesn't think his wife knows.

Why do you need to pay for sex?
After many years of being married to the same woman, and giving her emotional rewards, I find she ignores my needs as a man. My wife has become very fat. She isn’t attractive, but she always comes back with the line, "You should love me anyway." I have to say, "Yes, I do" or be kicked out of the house. She won't do what I want her to - use a dildo or even wear lingerie.

Among my married male friends, I would say seven out of ten have cheated because they weren't getting it at home the way they wanted. My female friends all seem to have a fantasy that they are going to find a man who will sweep them off their feet and take care of them for the rest of their lives. I keep telling them, "Honey, if you don't put out, you're not going to get the emotional rewards."

Do you ever feel guilty?
No, my wife has deprived me of sexual intimacy and fulfillment for about five years. She has made no effort to lose weight, and she always wears frumpy things, so I feel no regret whatsoever.

I am looking to live out my fantasies with a beautiful woman. My last steady relationship was about four years ago. I don't want another girlfriend because they are so frustrating. I want a professional who has a desire to make sure the customer is happy. The most important quality is looks: She has to be petite, not robust like my wife. Age is not important if she looks fabulous. Location isn't important. It's like a good cigar: I'll drive many miles to find one.

I heard about my first call girl through a friend. I was so nervous when I got to her place: I didn't know who would he there. Would I be mugged? Would I be videotaped?

It was tense at first but she did everything I requested. including using a dildo on herself. We bathed together before sex, which I enjoyed. I didn't want to smell anything on her body, and I don't think she wanted to smell anything either. I told her exactly what to wear - flirt black cocktail dress, stockings, and no panties or bra. She stood over me so I could look up her dress. In the end, it turned out sort of bad for me, though, because I came very quickly.

It was purely sexual, and that's what a man needs every once in a while. I don't think it's what a woman needs but then, that's why we have call girls.

What would happen if anyone found out?
Well, the divorce would get quite ugly. On the bright side, I would be out of a marriage which I'm in purely for financial reasons. Because of the recession, I'd find a divorce difficult at this stage. Then again, I don't know if being found out would be all that bad.

Louis is 23 years old, single. and
a college student Although he has
a steady girlfriend, he regularly
uses the services of prostitutes.

Why do you pay for sex?

I simply need to have intercourse; stress from school and work and a lack of getting; it regularly builds up in me over time. You might think, "Well, why not just masturbate?" I feel that every now and then I MUST have sexual contact - something real - with another human. But paying for a sex is a nightmare!

The problem is, my girlfriend lives a long way away. When I have to have sex, I tell her that I intend to visit a prostitute; we talk about it, and it's upsetting for her. She doesn't want me to contract a sexually transmitted disease or to be with other women. But we both know that it's sexual need I'm acting out; not some whimsical sexual frustration. I'd rather be with her.

Are you nervous with prostitutes?
I've been terribly nervous each time. I find it pretty tough to start a conversation with a stranger, never mind to get naked with one!

The first time was with a street prostitute. It was a little strange and uncomfortable because we ended up in this sleazy hotel with drunks outside and the works that was awful. The woman herself was a bit worn out that evening; she seemed distant and somewhat weighed down. She was extremely concerned with time. Before she began, she said, "Let’s sort out the finances first," which thought was a bit abrupt. Then she told me the rules: We’ve got 30 minutes, and you can come once." Great. Pretty humorless, actually.

The second time, I literally flipped open the telephone book, selected a classy-looking ad, and called an escort service. It was better because the prostitute came to my apartment and didn't seem overworked at all. At one point, she remarked that she was pleased to be with a guy her own age because most of her customers were older men who seemed unstable.

What are you looking for when you pay for sex?
I always ask for anal sex first; most women aren't interested in this. Oral sex is something else I ask for, which many women I've known casually tend to think is "yucky." I also want the woman to bite me, scratch me, or do other sort of wild things. But neither prostitute would bite me!

Do you feel guilty?
No, not really. I would prefer to see prostitutes regularly, but I don't have the money. I mean, sex is something I need in order to function the next day--without cracking up. It's just too bad that people have to buy it and sell it ... but we all know this isn't Utopia. If I get married, I don't think I will need to continue to do this.

Robert is a 48-year-old white collar
worker who has been married for over 15 years.
His wife knows about his fantasy of crossdressing,
but not about his visits to prostitutes.

Why do you pay for sex?
The fantasy developed when I was 25 and just out of the army. I had a girlfriend who used to dress for me in stockings, a garter belt, panties, and a bra. I enjoyed undressing her. After a year, I tried on the panties and stockings, and I enjoyed the silkiness and softness. I did discuss the fantasy with my wife and, before we were married, she used to dress sexy. But about a year after we got married, she turned to more comfortable cotton nightgowns. I asked her to dress up, but she said it was too much trouble. She feels it shouldn't be important to me. I think if it is important to me, why doesn't she care?

She was very negative about having sex after a while. I think that deep down, she never really enjoyed the physical act, and because of that I've had to look elsewhere. I don't think she ever thought about that. She's living in a tunnel where she thinks, "If I don't talk about it, I won't have to deal with it." When we did have sex, it was basically, "Let's jump into bed and get it over with. My mother's coming, the turkey's in the oven. Hurry up!" Then she started giving me instructions: I shouldn't do this, I shouldn't do that, did I touch the dog before I came to bed? It got to the point where, after I took a shower, she would ask me if I'd washed my hands. It was like throwing cold water on me.

When I went looking for another partner, I answered ads. On the phone, I would always tell them my fantasy of cross-dressing and ask if it was OK. If they said yes, I'd make a date. Now I have five or six ladies who are regulars. There's one I would love to marry because she enjoys our experiences so much and is always so pleasant. I fulfill my main fantasy three or four times a month by dressing in panties when I go to work. The time and location at which I see a lady depends on my work schedule. Usually I do it at my office, or nearby.

Do you feel bad about yourself afterward?
I feel very good. I have a right to live my life as I like to live it, and if my wife doesn't share my feelings, that's her problem, not mine. I'm not hurting my wife. I take care of her; I provide her with a home and money and things she wants. I give her presents and flowers without any special reason. I still love her very much, though I resent how cold she's been about my sexual needs. Twice, my wife found my hidden stockings and garter belts and was upset that I was still cross-dressing. She laid them out on the bed so that when I came home I would see she'd found them. After the second time, I figured that if there was a third I would tell her, "Listen, I'm doing what I have to do, and I will keep on taking care of myself."

What would happen if anyone else found out?
My family would not approve. They're very Puritanical. I went to private schools all my life, and I didn't learn curse words until 1 got into the army. I didn't try sex until I was 23 years old. I used to have a friend I confided in, hut he moved to another state and we don't get to see each other anymore. Basically, I have no one to talk to about my most intimate desires or my problems.

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Last updated: 8/05

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