Self-Therapy For People Who ENJOY Learning About Themselves

Guidelines For Emotional Health

I found it a very interesting exercise to try to come up with a list of the most important suggestions I could possibly make and have them fit nicely into this relatively small space.

The list is arranged in order of importance. If you don't follow all of these guidelines, work on them from the top down.

TAKE REASONABLY GOOD CARE OF YOUR BODY

This only means be sure that you eat enough, sleep enough, drink enough liquids, use the bathroom when you have to, have enough space in your life, and be adequately warmed in winter and cooled in summer.

Do NOT become obsessed with your body. You only need to take care of your body adequately, not "perfectly."

(Obsessing about these things works the same way as excessive use of alcohol or drugs: It only serves to hide problems, not to solve them.)

READ YOUR BODY'S "NEED MESSAGES" CLEARLY

Your body gives you FEELINGS which indicate when you NEED something (like water or food). Don't lie to yourself about these messages (in order to follow some diet, for instance).

Learn to read these "need messages" immediately, and to satisfy your needs completely. A good rule of thumb is to "Take Care Of Yourself At The FIRST SMALL SIGN of Discomfort".

(NEVER become extremely uncomfortable or in pain before you eat, go to the bathroom, sleep, etc.)

GET PLENTY OF ATTENTION AND LOVE

Only our physical needs (above) are more important than getting enough attention. If you don't have a regular source of love and attention in your life you will crave it constantly. Preoccupation with this desire can sabotage all your other efforts at emotional self-care.

TAKE THE TIME TO RELAX

The rule of thumb here is: about one-third of your awake life should be spent relaxing or "doing nothing." Doing nothing is also called "Mental Health Time" because it is the only time in our lives when we can focus fully on ourselves, how we are feeling, how things are going for us, etc.

If all of your time is spent working or playing, you can't possibly feel centered or "know yourself." If you can't use one-third of your time for this, at least set aside an hour or more each day just for you.

READ YOUR BODY, YOUR "FEELINGS"

While you are relaxed, take some slow deep breaths and notice the physical sensations your body is sending to your brain. These sensations will always be one of the feelings associated with your needs (like hunger or thirst) or one of the feelings associated with your wants (see below).

As you notice these feelings, make very clear decisions about what you are going to do about them.

YOUR EMOTIONAL FEELINGS

The First Five Feelings Are Natural And Universal. The Last Feeling, Guilt, Must Be Learned. If you feel SADNESS, this is because YOU LOST SOMETHING you previously enjoyed. After feeling it thoroughly (crying if needed), decide how to REPLACE WHAT YOU'VE LOST.

If you feel ANGER, this is because someone or some thing is BLOCKING you from getting what you want. Feel it thoroughly, then decide HOW TO GET PAST THE BLOCK (or, if that proves impossible, how to get along well without what you want).

If you feel JOY, this is because you've GOT what you previously wanted. Feel it thoroughly, and if you must think at all, think about HOW TO ENJOY THIS TIME EVEN MORE!

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If you feel SCARE, this is because your very EXISTENCE IS THREATENED (or you are just imagining that it is). Feel it quickly, then let it go and decide HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF (or how to change what you are imagining).

If you feel EXCITEMENT, this is because you are ON YOUR WAY to something you want. FEEL IT THOROUGHLY WHILE you are "on your way!"

Even though these five feelings (above) can be natural, they can also be brought about through our minds or our imaginings.

If you know that your sadness, anger or scare is because of something you are imagining, let it go! You are only causing yourself unnecessary pain (possibly to manipulate someone).

If you know that your joy or excitement is because of something you are imagining, enjoy it! (Just make sure that you don't believe your fantasy.)

If you feel GUILT, you are imagining yourself to be "bad" while you are actually angry. Admit you are angry at someone or some thing outside of yourself. (Then See: Anger.) Do not believe you are angry at yourself! That's impossible!

If you feel "stuck", remember who taught you to feel guilty about this, and what their motives were (what they hoped to get out of making you feel guilty).

[If you still feel stuck, see other articles in this series on "ANGER."]

PUT YOUR DECISIONS INTO ACTION

All of your feeling and analyzing will be worthless if you don't take action. If necessary, take small "first steps" to get you going, but don't try to ignore what you need to do! It just won't work.

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