Quest for Freedom!

~ An insight into OCD ~ Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

My Obsessively Clean Diary

January, 2001

Dear Diary,
The less said about Christmas the better, I think. It wasn't the best I've ever had, put it that way! Christmas Day is the day Phil decided to tell me he loved me, but isn't sure if he's "in love" with me or not. Kind of devastating news after your Turkey dinner! He then decided to disappear for a week on his own because he needed "some space." Consequently, the whole week was devastating. I did, however, go into a shop I was really scared of. That was a huge achievement.

It's January now. I went to the Psychologist's on Monday. Phil came with me and I told them both how determined I am to get well. One of Phil's concerns is about my ability to get rid of the OCD. He knows that he couldn't live with it anymore and wants nothing more to do with it. I asked him what I could do to prove to him that I am getting well. He said, "Go to your Mum's, sit down, make a cup of tea, come away again, and don't do the usual showering afterwards ( I see my Mum's as contaminated)."

How could I refuse such a challenge? You should have seen my Mum's face when I marched up to her and gave her a hug for the first time in 10 years! He thought that was BRILLIANT. He also wanted me to touch the floor where we had just walked - and lick my finger after! HA! I did it of course! So now I'm all contaminated... and it feels GREAT! I've proven to myself, my husband, and everyone else that I really can get well. Phil and I went to Marriage Counseling this week; I hope it goes ok!

Thank you to everyone who has signed my Guestbook up to now. I love reading the comments, and it's usually the first thing I check. If I have a P.S. I'll add it later. Bye for now though. Stay determined and keep smiling.

Lotsa love,
~Sani~

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