Counting Coup: OCD

(July 25,, 2006) - For Kevin Gaylor sexual and violent obsessions were monsters attacking his brain.

He fought, and sometimes still does, a churning fear that he will hurt someone. He thought about hurting his beloved dog Bella or abusing a child.

He hates the obsessions and has spent much of his life trying to stop them.

Kevin Gaylor was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder last fall, but he has wrestled the disease for nearly 30 years. He held his dog, Bella, on the porch of his midtown home the day before leaving for intensive treatment in Florida. Gaylor has improved greatly. Obsessive thoughts come less often, and the compulsive behavior is abating. KELLY KERR / Tulsa World Kevin Gaylor works in his kitchen, which features a collection of superheroes. KELLY KERR / Tulsa World

For a time the 36-year-old Gaylor completely avoided children because they spark disturbing thoughts. He became anxious when kids walked to and from the elementary school in his midtown Tulsa neighborhood.

He wouldn't use a public restroom when a young boy was there. Changing a baby's diaper once sent him into isolation for months.

He didn't see his father for four years after having a thought about hurting him.

Gaylor is not threatening or strange. He goes to work on time, talks on the phone to his mom in McAlester and mixes a darn good martini for friends.

He looks like anyone else walking

down the street. But his mind is different from most. It is riddled with compulsions.

The mind of a person with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder uses compulsions, consciously or not, to distract itself from obsessive thoughts. Some common examples of these diversion strategies include excessive cleaning, hand-washing, arranging things, counting and repeating routine activities.

Sometimes the compulsions directly relate to the obsessions, like washing your hands and a fear of germs. Sometimes they don't.

Gaylor started counting when his obsessions first surfaced at age 7.

He counted steps, at first. Steps from his bedroom to the kitchen. From homeroom to the school restroom. When single-file lines in grade school messed up his counting, he became anxious.

Several years later, he took up the saxophone and started counting musical notes. At age 15, he began counting letters and hasn't stopped.

He counts letters in words as quickly as the words are spoken. And while he's counting, he's subtly moving his hands like he's typing the word on a keyboard.

"Did you notice me doing it?" he asked over a breakfast of toast and eggs at a local cafe.

Gaylor was counting the word "aperitifs" on the wallpaper. Nine letters, he said, but he added a space to make it 10. Odd numbers bother him.

Farmer Brothers on a sugar packet. Fourteen letters.

Tabasco. Seven letters, but he made it eight. Eight is the best because he equates the number with order. He likes the number eight.