To share or not to share. That is the question. Sooner or later everyone has to decide what to do with their journals. It's this whole question of privacy and what is fit to share and what is not. You can only grow so much on your own without things to bounce off from.

"Getting valid feedback from others on your writing is always a delicate matter, and especially so in the case of a diary. Since people rarely have the chance to read unpublished diaries, they don't know how to do it. Most often they look for references to themselves or to friends or for sexual entries and ignore the context of the references. The forget that the diary does not represent the "truth." It often contains fantasy, psychological projection, overdramatization, and overemphasis for it's own reasons. They may expect the writing to have the quality of published prose, which it never does. All in all, they are likely to bring their own expectations and biases to the experience and miss the meaningful themes and individually evolved forms that truly communicate the writer's spirit." (1)

I can't say it better than that!

Giving Feedback As A Reader

The web has given us access to people's journals like never before. While people are hesitant to share their thoughts in journaler's groups or with friends, more people are willing to put some of their thoughts out there on the Web. They can cloak themselves in the anonymity the Internet has to offer and reveal only pieces that they chose to reveal. This security encourages them to open up more than before, but they are still spilling out private thoughts and raw feelings.

Whenever I read other people's journals I generally don't give a whole lot of feedback unless it is asked of me or unless particular passages move me so much I feel compelled to reply. I prefer to just peek, reflect on what other's people are thinking about, and see how these new thoughts relate back into my own life. Food for thought! I'm attracted to journals that write about "real life" for that reason. It's something I can relate to. It gives me something to bounce off of in my own journaling.

When I do reply, I look for guestbooks or the e-mail the person wishes replies sent to. I really prefer guestbooks though because the owner can go read their guestbook at their own pace. E-mail can be quite intrusive if you aren't expecting it.

You go to your guestbook expecting emotional stuff about your writings. It really bites to be reading e-mail from mom, getting e-mail from your boss, and then BAM! You hit the next button and it turns out to be some witchy e-mail about some journal entry you wrote when you were mad, have gotten over, and here is this person telling you how pathetic you are and making you mad all over again.

Ick.

I try to critique and not criticize when I give journalers feedback as a reader. After all, it is their journal, I didn't have to be reading it, and it's their issues they are dealing with. My opinions and my life mean nothing in relation to their opinions and their life. Their journal is about their lives, not mine. They have to work things through at their own pace, I can't influence that.

When I write to them I try to point out the good things -- web design, writing style, particular entries or directions that seem to be working. I try to point out things that aren't working so hot or direction that need to be dropped because they are self-destructive. Sometimes I just feel like thanking them for making me laugh or sharing a tidbit of my own.

The point though, is to try to remember I am a reader. I may be observing and peeking, but it isn't my show to run. A journal is not a democracy. A journal is an open dictatorship. One person, the author, is in charge. They say what goes in their diary. If you aren't happy with it, you leave and you don't read it anymore..

To be a reader of someone's journal is a pleasure, and a privilege. The author has chosen to share with you, if you wish to read. If you are invited or given the opportunity to give feedback, the author has chosen to allow you some interactivity, to not be a passive participant in that journal experience.

It's a wonderful opportunity to share thoughts of your own. It is not an opportunity to vent off on whatever your own damage is.

Accepting Feedback As a Writer

With off-line journals you can share with friends or family. You can read passages out loud yourself, Xerox pages and black out things you don't want them to see, or rewrite the passages in letters. You can also take your journal to bookstore where journal groups meet and discuss their writings.

On-line has more opportunities for feedback because it is ALWAYS public access, although the trade off is the self-imposed editor is present all the time when you write. While in your off-line book you can write whatever you please and then "black it out" when you share by literally Xeroxing and marking out passages or just not reading those parts aloud, on-line there is always a state of minor censorship because you are sharing all the time, 24 hours a day even when you are not there on your computer. People can pick up your journal and read it any old time. So there is a sense of restraint you have to live with or at least be aware of when you write/upload. The counterpoint to this cramp in your style is that there are many guestbooks, mailing lists, forums, webrings, gatherings of web journalers in real life, and many other venues for feedback!

I prefer my guestbook the most for short feedback, and I provide an e-mail address for contact related to my journal or cyber-persona, Astrophe. It is a separate e-mail from my personal/work e-mail. When I check "Astrophe's" e-mail I go there knowing I can expect stuff related to my website and that some if it will be weird. I highly recommend having both in on-line journals.

The feedback I enjoy the most is constructive critiques. This is the same kind of feedback I try to give as a reader. While everyone loves a compliment and it's nice to get a pat on the back, without constructive critiques the journal, writing and author cannot grow. You can end up feeling like you are just spinning your wheels.

It's best to simply ignore inflammatory comments and let them go. There will be people who like to try to rock your boat, and for them to see you writing about them in your on-line journal or for you to get too involved in replying to them mean they won -- they got to you.

Some other things you will have to deal with as a diarist is your family and friends. Will they feel threatened by the time you spend writing? Will they feel like the inner life you cultivate on your own is something they are not a part of? Will they view your book or your on-line website as a threat to your relationship? Sometimes the feedback you get will not be about your writing, but about the acti fo writing or your journal itself and what role it plays in your life. You have to be ready to handle this as well.

(1) Rainer, Trislene, The New Diary. page 49.

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