September 5, 2000

One gallon of water weighs 8 lbs. Remember this when I bitch about feeling bloated and having sore boobs. My scale has jumped 6 lbs, so it's 3/4 of a gallon but I still feel like killing people from water retention crankiness!

I'm also really horny. I keep having sexually frustrating dreams and when I wake up I want to molest sleeping Paul. This part of it wouldn't be so bad if I weren't also contrary about it . Touch me! Ow! No! Don't touch me! Touch me! Ow! No, too sore! Go away!

[...]

Some guys calls up.

"Hello? We're with (some phone company) and have a promotional offer with United Airways ..." I listen to the first part of his thingie out of politeness. Something about earning travel miles. Then he pauses for me to answer.

"Yes. Could you do me a favor?"

"Yes?"

"Could you put me on your "do not call" list?"

"Was there a particular reason?"

"Yes. We do not take solicitation calls."

"But then how did you get your phone service?" he boggles.

"I drove to my local office and had them hook me up. Thank you. Have a good day."

And I hung up the phone laughing. I guess he was too blinded by the flash of the obvious.

~Astrophe