Life Changes, Bad Memories and the Holiday Season

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Enjoying the
Winter Holiday Season
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

By Mary Ellen Copeland, M.S., M.A.

continued

Life Changes and Bad Memories

Troubling incidents that affect your memories of holidays in the past, like a parent's Christmas alcoholic binges, or extreme poverty when you were a child, and losses in your life, like divorce or the death of friends and family members, become even more difficult to deal with at this time of year. While there is no way to make these issues go away, there are some general guidelines for dealing with the holidays that you may find helpful. They usually involve taking back control over your life by thinking about what you really want to do and doing it – even if others don't like it.

Ask yourself the following questions: "Would doing things differently this year help? Is there some way you could change your holiday plans so they would be easier for you and others? Instead of sharing in the traditional family festivities, would it be easier to take a vacation or do some other activity that is not related to the holiday? Is it time to develop some new family traditions? Would you prefer avoiding the holidays altogether, pretending they weren't happening?"
Spend time with the people you like.Are there some people you spend time with over the holidays who you would rather avoid, like an ex-spouse or a difficult brother? If so, make your plans so you will not be with that person or people – and don't feel guilty about it. Make plans to spend time with people who you really like and enjoy, people who help you feel good about yourself.
Consider spending some time with a counselor you trust or a very good friend, talking about the issues in your life that make the holidays difficult for you. Tell them you just need to talk about it and that you don't expect them to give advice or fix the situation. You will be pleasantly surprised at how good that feels – to just talk without interruption for 10 or 15 minutes or even an hour. If you do this with a good friend, be sure and return the favor by listening to them without interruption for an equal amount of time.

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Do lots of things you enjoy during this time. Start by making a list of things you really enjoy doing. Add to the list as other things occur to you. Things like making music, singing, dancing, making crafts, cooking, painting, fishing, playing basketball or reading mysteries. Post this list in a convenient place – perhaps on your refrigerator door. Then spend some time each day doing one or more of these things.
Do something nice for someone else. You will be surprised at how good that makes you feel. You could visit a patient at a nursing home, read books to children at a school or library, take a child to a holiday event, buy a special gift for someone who is less fortunate, invite a special friend to dinner, smile at people on the street, or talk to clerks at the check-out counter.

Happy Holidays!

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Enjoying the Winter Holiday Season Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

Life Changes and Bad Memories

Enjoying the
Winter Holiday Season
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)