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Self-Help Practice 7:
Directly Face the Situations You Avoid
What to do During Obsessing
The three structured practices we've just discussed are based
on a single principle: to overcome a fear, you must approach the fear.
The fourth practice carries this same principle to actual
situations you typically avoid because of your obsessions. Facing those situations
directly for an extended period of time will be the only way for you to overcome all of
your fears. If you avoid situations in order to feel safer, then you will need to practice
this option.
Find every opportunity you can to face situations that cause you discomfort. What activities do you
avoid in order to keep yourself or others safe? When do you hesitate to act, for fear that
you will make a mistake? What events or places do you steer away from so that you won't
begin to have distressing thoughts? These are the times when you need to be alert, for
these times give you the opportunity to practice facing your fears. If you are a washer,
go ahead and touch those doorknobs or wear those clothes after they have been
"contaminated." If you are a checker, lock the doors of your home without having
someone else check them. If you are a repeater, be willing to do things the
"wrong" way. Orderer's can let someone else straighten up the house, and hoarders
can let someone else rearrange their "collections" or throw things out.
Often when you are in distressing situations your initial
response will be to hesitate; you feel uncertain about whether you can handle the task. In
such moments remind yourself of your long-term goals. You are not only seeking to
get rid of your obsessions; there are tasks you want to accomplish, pleasures you want to
enjoy, relationships you want to pursue. Focus on these positive goals. Your
obsessions stand in the way of a meaningful, fulfilling future. Don't just fight against
your symptoms, fight for your life goals. Facing situations you have been avoiding is a
step toward a new future.
Remember that when you first face distressing situations you
will probably feel anxious. In fact, to expect that you will feel anxious is
probably a good plan. You won't be surprised by your distress. Use the
skills I discussed to reduce your tension. Take a Calming Breath
or practice the Calming Counts, that you learned on the breathing tape, and remind
yourself that anxiety decreases over time. Remember, you don't have to be alone in your
struggle. Call a friend or a relative and tell him or her what you are trying to
accomplish. Seek that person's understanding and support.
Once you have practiced facing one of your
feared situations, don't just wait quietly for your worries to start again.
Get
busy! Focus your attention away from your obsessions by being active. Take a long
walk, exercise, go to the movies, get involved with projects at work, or talk to a friend
on the phone.
When you want to change your obsessional patterns, the single
most important thing to remember is: Don't fight your obsession. If
you are having difficulty making headway with these techniques, ask yourself, "Am I
still struggling to get rid of my obsessions?" If you are, stop! You already
know struggling doesn't work; that's what you've been doing prior to picking up our book
and listening to these tapes. The success of the skills we've described here depends on
your willingness to give up the struggle. When you stop the struggle you will be able to
notice a significant difference. You actually can have control over your symptoms.
Some of you will notice immediate positive results from
applying these skills. Others will progress steadily for several weeks, reducing their
worries by half... then spend another two or three months working to gradually worry less
and less. So don't get discouraged. If you are moderately or highly successful during the
first weeks but find you're still obsessing somewhat, continue practicing for several more
weeks. You should notice improvement over time, even if it's not apparent every week.
Don't give up. You must have faith.
If you practice daily for a few weeks and do not experience
at least moderate relief, seek help from a mental-health professional who is familiar with
OCD treatment. This specialist can assist you in solving problems you might be having with
applying the self-help program and may be able to adapt these techniques so that they work
better for you.
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