The Inner Journey
Getting Off the Roller Coaster

I paced back and forth, the mental wheels were rapidly spinning. Ahhh!... I now started to grasp that two things were happening inside me, and it is very much worth our while to discuss it here. The things I were feeling were...

• A sense of injustice.
• A sense for a need of recognition of my ability.

INJUSTICE - RECOGNITION. I had tapped into the beginnings of some important understandings
Many years ago, I might have spoken up to make sure that the recognition came my way as well as the need to set the record straight. I probably would have burned inside until I spoke up. Fortunately those days are long gone, but still lingering was a residual part of my old thinking rearing it's ugly head.

The perception of...

"Hey You!, you didn't acknowledge my ability!... you're the cause of my grief!"

...is not accurately defined in the false belief that an external object (a person) is the cause of my disharmony.

This injustice is in me, just as this need for recognition of ability is in me. Does this mean that people can expect injustice or unjust behavior from me as a common aspect to my personality? I thought about this very intensely and come up with "No". I know this doesn't equate with my real nature, yet something was not sitting quiet right within me. The more I pursued it the more confusing it became. Such confusion is the opposite of what should be attained through successful self inquiry. I had to initiate a change of tack and began to focus on the 'Recognition' aspect.

More pacing and squeezing of my chin. Slowly an understanding began to filter into my consciousness. The want for recognition was the PRIMARY ISSUE. I had become confused by focusing on a secondary feeling of 'Injustice'. Obviously, for an injustice to be present, something had to make it so. The perceived 'Incorrect Recognition' was the injustice. The 'Recognition' aspect was at the root of this injustice. I was now getting closer to the real issue. This is where the use of "I" came into it. For you and I both, this is an extremely valuable understanding to possess.

You might say that I am just seeking approval, and essentially I would agree with these thoughts, but if it was simply a matter of seeking approval, it would then have to said... "of what?". The notion of approval would once again go back to... "My abilities and best efforts." Once again, the root of the experience contains a direct identification back to me. This is what you should remember as you engage in self inquiry. The correct understanding will not be ambiguous as in the case "seeking approval" for there can always be another question that can go beyond that point. The words "I", "ME" or "MY", or the undisputable sense of the person in question, must always be included in the final analysis.

Suddenly an awesome stillness came over me. A very powerful sense of being deeply connected to a truth about myself. Now I began to see why the injustice was so prominent. This lack of recognition has actually been such a regular feature in my life that a secondary perception of injustice continues to be falsely validated and hence distorted over the years. I am therefore much more likely to see or perceive injustices around me and in various other situations.

Upon the revelation of recognition, I now see that throughout my life, I have not given recognition to others. The very reason I have written this book is because my life had essentially collapsed, and I had come to the understanding that the only way out was to become more aware of my surroundings, my family, my friends, my job, my life. As far as personal relationships go, the loved one would leave primarily through my lack of attentiveness... my lack of awareness.

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