The Inner Journey
Getting Off the Roller Coaster

REGRET, THE TAUNTING LURE:

If we go through a painful experience, we tend to go through many and varied "If Only" scenarios.

"If only it had happened this way, I wouldn't have this pain."

"If only I had done this then, I'd be happier now."

"If only I had this yesterday, I'd have so much more of that tomorrow."

Among the many whirlwinds within the mind, there are two important areas of concern that you should understand are capable of manifesting pain. They are, a regret of what was, and a regret of what wasn't. I may have become aware of an opportunity that would have been good for me, but through fear, I could chose to remove myself from it. On the other hand, it may have been removed from me against my desire. In another example, I could come to the understanding that something I sought after and experienced has left me feeling shaken and miserable. In each case, I am open to experience pain if I choose to re-live the situation, or dream of how else it could've been.

To maintain...

"If only I HAD done this",

...is to invent a past that never was and attempt to live in it. Realities that once were can be bad enough, but to conjure up a past that never was, is to inflict nothing less than torment upon yourself. To say...

"If only I HAD NEVER done this,"

...is to deny the reality of a choice.

Through the acceptance of a choice that has brought pain, one can then appreciate that what was understood as truth, is just a reflection of what was, and all that is important is your peace in "THE NOW".

After my marriage broke up, a dear friend wrote to me and said in her letter:

"When the energies go back and forth between the past and the future, the healing process is delayed".

At the time, the effect was subtle, and my understanding of it was vague. Since my sorrow was not at its peak, the doors of meaning were not fully open, but planted within me was a seed that was being nurtured by the passage of time.

Slightly more than a year later, my life took another completely unexpected turn. A chance of happiness and friendship vanished with frightening brevity, and its effect was even more devastating than the first. With delayed grief and compounded sorrows, I found myself lost in an ocean of loneliness as the ground was literally washed from beneath me. Inwardly I was crushed, though outwardly I kept a smile on my face. Whether or not this was good, I don't bother with now, for I am what I am, and I do what I do. I react to things in only the way that I am capable of. I try my best. I am a good person.

This was when I truly began my journey to find peace and restoration and it was to lead me down a road that never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would travel.

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