continued

Rebuild Marital Trust:

As with any couple struggling in the aftermath of an affair, a major goal of marital therapy is helping the couple to rebuild trust in the relationship. However, special care must be taken to examine how to focus on relationship building after a cyberaffair because of several factors.

1. Computer Use - Cyberaffairs often happen inside the couple’s home and the "cheating" partner’s behavior is centralized around the computer, a tool that may also be used for non-romantic purposes such as for business or home finances. However, each time the offending partner approaches the computer for a legitimate reason, it may trigger feelings of suspicion and jealousy for the spouse. The therapist must help couple evaluate how the computer will be used at home so that they can establish reasonable ground rules such as supervised computer use or moving the computer into a public area of the family home.
2. Psychoeducation - The practitioner should also provide psychoeducational consultation for the couple to help remove the typical rationalizations exhibited by the offending partner and to help the spouse understand the motives leading up to the cyberaffair. The cheating partner may not have purposely gone on the Internet to look for someone else, but the online experience afforded an opportunity to form intimate bonds with fellow on-line users, which quickly escalated to erotic chat and passionate conversations. The cheating partner often rationalizes the behavior as just a fantasy, typed words on a screen, or that cybersex isn’t cheating because of the lack of physical contact. Therapists should be careful not reinforce these rationalizations and focus on ways for the cheating partner to take responsibility for their actions. This is an important element in therapy if the couple is to rebuild honesty and trust in their relationship.
3. Renew Commitment - Finally, the therapist should help the couple evaluate how the cyberaffair has hurt the relationship and help formulate relationship-enhancing goals that will renew commitment and improve intimacy between the couple. To help the couple renew commitment, the therapist must stress forgiveness. Care should also be taken to evaluate the types of activities the couple used to enjoy before the Internet and encourage them to engage in those events once again. Finally, inventions, which focus on a couple’s weekly progress and how couples can use the Internet together for sexual enhancement, should be explored.

Conclusion

This paper examines the powerful potential of romantic and sexual relationships on-line to negatively impact once stable marriages. The warning signs of a cyberaffair are outlined, with specific behavioral changes in relation to computer usage being most consistent indicators of online infidelity. Couples with pre-existing problems may be most at risk, especially as the ease of idolizing of these on-line relationships will negatively distort perceptions of marital intimacy and exacerbate pre-existing difficulties. To help repair marital commitment and trust, practitioners need to focus more carefully on the role of the computer and its implications for treatment with such couples on the verge of Cyber-divorce.

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