Behaviors that Hurt and the Loads
to be Carried

Coercion

Coercion is the threat of violence. Sam's addict parent, in an attempt to control, might say coercive things like:

• "If you ever do that again, I'll beat you to a pulp."
• "I'll beat you till you can't walk straight."
• "Stop that crying or I'll give you something to cry about."
• "Just wait till your dad gets home, he is going to really be angry."
• "Would you like a spanking (beating)?, Get over here right now."
• "Get in here right now or you'll get a spanking (beating)."
• "Sometimes I wish you were dead. I hate you. I wished I'd never had kids. I wished I'd never had you."

The use of threat or destructive bargaining is also a part of coercion.

A terrorist uses coercion to control situations with some intended goal in mind. And just like the terrorist, the addict parent destructively controls with an intended goal in mind. The goal is to "feel better." Addicts who have a dependency relationship with their children control their fears by controlling their children. Children of addict parents who are controlled by the addict's use of coercion, grow up terrorized and not feeling safe. The emotional effects of coercion are more damaging to a child than to a child who has been beaten. A child growing up in coercion will always be wishing for something (bad) to happen in order for them to relieve their anxiety of waiting for something (bad) to happen.

"Intimidation" is form of coercion. This destructive control behavior is designed to produce fear (terror) through intimidation in order to maintain control. Considering the size, strength, experience, and knowledge of an adult as compared to a child, intimidation is easy for an addict parent to achieve. Lack of knowledge, strength, size, and experience on the part of the child ends up being a destructive control opportunity for the addict parent to make use of. They'll use the opportunity to intimidate in a destructive way by leading the child into feeling that they are somehow inadequate. This is accomplished by projecting a sense of multiple inadequacy onto the child i.e. lack of knowledge, strength, size, and experience. The child's resulting fears of inadequacy are then used by the addict parent to control the child. The following statements are examples of phases used by the addict parent in order to intimidate and produce fear.

• "You should of known better!"
• "I don't care if you're tired!"
• "I don't care if you're too little!"
• "I don't care if you can't!"
• "Hurry-up pokie (slowpoke)!"
• "Get going right now!"
• "I don't care if you think you can't do that!"
• "You're just stupid, that's your problem!"
• "Your problem is that you're too stupid to remember!"

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