Miscellaneous Destructive Control Behaviors

Miscellaneous Control Behaviors

• Forbidding the use of the phone (forced isolation).
• Forbidding friendships (forced isolation).
• Forced fed (having to eat when full or eat something distasteful).
• Forced poverty or the lack of purchasing power (controlling money to control the quality of life).
• Forced babysitting (forced to watch younger siblings, cousins, or others).
• Forced dress (dress codes). Having to look good to maintain (control) a false impression.
• Setting someone up to fail.
  • Examples:
  • a - Allowing the child to make a choice, then discounting or disapproving of their choice.
  • b - Asking a child for an opinion, then discounting it. *
  • c - Asking a child to do something, then ignoring or discounting the results. *
• Distrusting the child continuously, analyzing the child, making false assumptions. *
• Forced to get along (having to get along with people even if I don't like them).
• Forced activity
  • Example:
  • 1. "We will do this and you're are going to like it, or else!"
  • 2. "Do this or you'll be punished!" (excludes safe boundary setting for the child).
  • 3. "I've got it all planned out and you'll like it (and I'll make you participate)."

Controlled intimacy

The inability to create intimacy is a common dysfunction in dysfunctional families where one or both of the parents have a dependency relationship with the child. The child is forced to be close (or held close through the use of destructive control behaviors) instead of being allowed to choose to be close. In this way the child is being used like a drug in order for the addict to "feel better" (secure, in control of possible abandonment, etc). The addict parent substitutes controlled intimacy (or forced intimacy) for true intimacy. True intimacy is a choice by the participants in the relationship to choose to be close and not a controlled-to-be-close alternative. The addict, by forcing the child to be close, experiences an imagined sense of security. The addict parent is unable to create a healthy sense of security by allowing the child to choose to be close. This forced closeness creates a sense (for the child) of feeling trapped (forced) and the need to run (fight or flight) away from the addict. True .i.intimacy; creates a sense of warmth; which the child would naturally gravitate towards (and not away from). Children of addicts feel trapped in the relationship with their addict parents and not like they've been given a choice to be there.

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