The Lighter Side:
Go For The Grins

by George W. Dorry Ph.D.

The easiest way to define self-esteem is the ratio between grins and groans. If your viewpoint on life is somewhere between a slug and a slime-mold, then you have got too many groans happening to you (or worse, from you to yourself.) Your self-esteem and your tail feathers are probably dragging through life. However, if the world keeps grinning at you for all you are doing, and it’s hard to keep the sides of your mouth away from your earlobes, then you have a good grin-to-groan ratio. Since most people would rather be flashing their teeth (at anyone but the dentist), I have written this vignette to remind both of us that even ADHD can have it’s lighter side.

Path of Destruction

Attila the Hun led his armies across Asia and Europe wreaking havoc in his path. "Attila the Son" is the apt nickname of an ADHD boy whose visits to a shopping mall or supermarket make the wanton destruction of the original Attila's armies look like a church picnic. After watching him leap from the grocery cart, climb to the top shelf and sample a box of cookies, even a liberal permissive parent would vote in favor of a leash-law for children.

When he leads his cohort of freewheeling bicycle buddies through the neighborhood, parents run to bring little children into the house, as if a gang of Hell’s Angels had just roared up on their Harley hogs. It would seem that no other child on the block would decide to use Mrs. Prissy’s prize tomato garden as an obstacle course, or the elderly Mr. Fussy’s wheelchair ramp as a launching pad for aerial stunts. Usually benevolent aunts have been known to lock their doors and hide in the back room when they see him coming. His grandmother, who is otherwise the source of more nurturing than a love-in at a hippy commune, has joined an ice-hockey league to avoid babysitting him.

At pre-school he holds the dubious distinction of instigating career changes for more teachers than any other child. In the third grade, the entire cafeteria staff quit after he came behind the counter to help them on a busy day. By high school, he was a significant factor in reducing the school district’s budget by encouraging the early retirement of all of the teachers who had him in their class. Forewarned by the omniscient grapevine of the teacher’s lounge, in anticipation of his eventual enrolment, the school faculty voted unanimously to double the insurance coverage for teachers who have nervous breakdowns in the line of duty.

Even insurance salesmen avoid talking with his parents because he’s notorious for impulsively getting into accidents. The local hospital placed a brass plaque on the wall of the emergency room to acknowledge that his frequent visits had helped pay for much of the equipment. He’s wandered off from home and been lost so often that the local constabulary’s office has a standing all-points bulletin to pick him up if he’s seen more than seven streets from his home.

Attila's parents don’t have a diagnosable case of Progeria, but they are ageing prematurely with anxiety over the thought of their beloved adrenalin-junkie taking up skydiving or bungee jumping when he gets a little older They’ve researched the possibility of volunteering for a nice, quiet job – like U.N. monitor in one of the former Soviet republics so they can be out of town when Attila is going through the raging hormones of puberty.

Yet they love him still and wouldn’t have missed the experience of parenting an ADHD child. Although born-again Christians they’ve taken the Buddhist point of view on that issue and decided that this lifetime is balancing off tons of karma from a former or future reincarnation and they are bound to achieve enlightenment after this experience. The continuing saga of Attila the Son goes on, but I have to get some sleep, so I’ll finish this with a request to send in your own story about Attila or other character. Keep smiling!

Copyright George W. Dorry, Ph. D. - Dr Dorry is a psychologist in private practice who specializes in the assessment and treatment of childhood and adult ADD. He is the founder and director of The Attention and Behavior center in Denver, Colorado. He is a member of the ADDAG Board of Directors and served as their first Chairman of the Board from the organization's inception in March 1988 until January of 1995.

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