In Memory of Amy

As the holidays approach, most of us reflect on the blessings and memories of our family and friends. We certainly realize that many of you also have had tragedies in life and that we are not alone in experiences of pain and loss. The loss of our Amy is painful beyond words. The positive knowledge we cling to is that Amy loved the Lord, and touched so many lives. In our grief, we still believe God has a plan for each of us and accept that for Amy. God’s plan was to end her suffering.

Amy’s short time here on earth was spent being a loving friend, hugging and caring for others. She participated in varsity sports, maintained a 4.0 GPA, counseled, served as a Natural Helper, President of National Jr. Honor Society, and was going through high school in three years. Amy had a wonderful smile and beautiful big brown eyes. There was another part of Amy none of us saw. Amy had repressed memories of sexual molestation by two “alleged offenders” (one a trusted relative on the maternal side of her family, and one affiliated with a school Amy attended in Spokane). Unlike the “False memory Syndrome,” Amy had excellent professional support and none of Amy’s memories surfaced in therapy. She had nothing to gain by disclosing her memories.

In July, 1992, her repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse began to surface. Over the next year, she continued to remember, in detail, the traumatic childhood experiences of being sexually molested by these two known and trusted adults. By the spring of 1993, Amy finally knew what had happened to her, and she began to go from being a “victim” to a “survivor.” Rather than revenge for the hurt the “alleged offenders” had caused her, she only wanted them to seek professional help. Unfortunately, in a society where the “alleged offender’s” rights surpass those of the “alleged victim,” we found children still are not valued as they should be and “denial” has unbelievable power and implications.

After months of nightmares (and resulting fatigue) brought on by the vivid recall of the previously repressed memories, Amy was diagnosed on June 8, 1993, with mono and an enlarged liver and spleen (from the mono). On June 9th, because Amy would not retract her discloser, her grandparents and two aunts refused to come to David’s (Amy’s brother) graduation from Redmond High School. Only one aunt came, Jeana, who had lived with us as a teenager and was living with us when Amy was born. Jeana shared our pride as David graduated from RHS with highest honors and 19 college credits already completed. Later that same night, she was by our side once again as Amy’s involuntary vomiting began.

On June 11th, Amy was hospitalized, and by June 13th she was transferred to the University of Washington Medical Center. The medical team awakened us early June 14th (we were asleep in the ICU waiting room) and God gave us the miracle of a liver donor—and unbeknownst to us, the gift of three more weeks with Amy.
Amy was in a coma following surgery when the doctors became alarmed at her unexplained circulatory problems. This resulted in the eventual need for amputation of Amy’s lower right leg. Amy did recover from the coma, wrote messages and eventually talked to us for over two weeks. During that time, the prayers, messages, and mail from others sustained our spirits.

On June 30th, Amy was transferred to Children’s Hospital. Early afternoon, Friday, July 2, prior to the amputation, Amy died. Autopsy results confirmed that Amy died of mononucleosis and that the liver transplant was successful. The doctors felt that the stress she had been experiencing due to her childhood trauma, wore her out, breaking down her immune system so that she was unable to fight the mono virus. Amy became the first woman (four men have died) to die of mononucleosis.

Throughout this experience, we have had incredible support from our church (Celebration Presbyterian Church) in Redmond, Eastside Sexual Assault Center for Children in Bellevue, Children’s Hospital, and our friends. On July 6th, Pastors Jim Deal, Dave Van Dyke, and friends, Jeff Kemp and Grant Goodeve, put together Amy’s memorial service for us. Jeana and our friends filled the reception room with Amy’s photos, collections, and earthly treasures, for our memories of Amy. We were blessed by the support of over 750 people who attended Amy’s memorial service.

We continue to read the names in the guest books, and reread the messages. Memories shared by teachers and parents of Amy’s friends bring laughter and tears to our eyes. We are most thankful for all the prayers. We say this with a new understanding of the meaning of “prayer” and of how “the weak will become strong.” We are so incredibly weak in our grief—that we had to turn to God—and His strength has made us strong.

Gail, Tom, Dave Katie, Amy’s Family

a letter from amy's sister

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