Taking Aim Together

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500 MARATHONS

At age 48, following three decades of battling schizophrenia, Bruce Maybee still has the aspirations of a young man.

“Since I was in my 20s, I wanted to get out of living in a group home so I could have privacy.” For brief periods, he did have his own place, like a basement apartment that was prone to flooding.

He now rents a room in a small ranch house on a wooded lot near a lake with three roommates, none of whom have mental illness. But the dream of getting a nice place of his own is still there. He has accumulated things to fill such a place.

“I have a stereo, tons of DVDs, a new TV, my own twin bed, a sofa, a chair and end tables. I bought a lot of ‘vanity’ books, classics like Shakespeare and other writers. But I think if I actually read them I’d get really confused,” he said with a laugh. “I want stuff that is dignified. My brother is holding some of my things for me so if I ever get a better place, I’ll have furniture to fill it.”

Bruce has a good car, which is paid off, and some savings. He tries to keep up his appearance, and has several pairs of identical black shoes and navy blue oxford shirts with button-down collars.” In the early years I felt stigmatized when people called me wacko, or loony, or crazy, and I thought if I looked nice I would be treated better. But clothes are expensive.”

Another goal has been to run 500 marathons, and he’s almost there.

He no longer dreams much about traveling the world; instead, he has become a devoted “Star Trek” fan. His hopes of finding a wife, though, are still alive. “I’m working on my social skills, so when I meet someone I’m attracted to I can be able to ask her if she’d like to have a meal with me.”

Along with his young man’s goals, Bruce has been spending more and more time thinking about how he can retire on Social Security disability payments, and whatever small savings he is able to accumulate.

LIVING ON THE GROUND

Kellianne O’Brien was nearing her 30th birthday when she was consumed with an urge to paint. She worked non-stop, dawn to dusk.

A professional painter and sculptor who had earned a bachelor’s degree in French and philosophy in her home state of Ohio, she was sleeping only two or three hours a night as she worked on her massive painting for about eight months. “A lot of emotion came out while I was painting. I was having intense, mystical, out-of-body experiences.… I also heard command voices telling me to quit my job, to do certain rituals like hug trees, or to talk to some people and not to others.”

Quitting her job at a bagel shop led to eviction, homelessness and sleeping on benches.” I was hearing many voices, but one of them was saying good things to me, and it was louder than the others. I knew they were external, and I thought they were spirits,” said Kellianne, who was raised as a Catholic.

“I listened only to that one voice. It was like I was adrift at sea, on the verge of drowning, and that voice was the helicopter that was going to save me. One day it told me that by the sundown I would be saved. And in fact, that happened. A friend of mine from the bagel shop showed up with two mental health workers, and they took me away. I was going in and out of a catatonic state.”

Kellianne’s memories of what followed in a state psychiatric hospital are grim.” I was trying to describe my spiritual experiences, but the doctors didn’t believe anything I said. You can always tell when someone doesn’t believe you.”

Despite the rocky introduction to the psychiatric profession, Kellianne responded well to medication and eventually moved into a group home. In 1998, she became the state of Wisconsin’s consumer affairs director for the Bureau of Mental Health, working on the “Recovery Initiative” that sets standards for how people should be treated—not directed—by doctors.

“Doctors should focus on people’s strengths, and not pathologize them. They should try to help people find hope when they are in despair,” she said.” Doctors need to become less arrogant. They believe everything they learned in school is right. They need to be more open-minded about others’ struggles and realities. They should have the humility to realize that they haven’t gone through what consumers have. The consumer is the expert, not you.”

About four years ago, Kellianne, now 39, went off her medication because she wanted to see how her medications were affecting her.

“No (mental health professional) explained why I was taking them or what they were actually doing for me. I needed to find out.”

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The out-of-body experiences returned, so she went back on her medication.

“I went back on meds because they keep me on the ground, and I want to live on the ground. It’s very hard to live with your spirit outside of you.”

Now, with a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder, she takes antipsychotic medications and antianxiety medications, and works as a training specialist. She owns her own home and has been in a committed relationship with another woman for seven years. Her art has been displayed nationally.

And she still has a long list of goals, which include working to empower the mentally ill and the homeless.

“I’d like to have an impact with my art, I’d like to move to Europe, and I’d like to be able to get married.”

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