Men, Sex, and Emotional Connection

From infancy, the predominant social message our society sends to males is that real men don't show emotions. Sex, anger, and humor are the only exceptions.

Men are to be tough and strong. Otherwise, how could society convince its young men to fight wars and slay dragons?

Men grow up to pride themselves on being unemotional, logical thinkers. So it should come as no surprise that men have difficulty identifying, sharing, understanding, and working with their feelings. Ask a man how he is feeling. He will almost always say, "Fine." Is this irritating to a woman? You bet it is! Did the man deliberately seek to irritate his woman? Of course not.

The man probably doesn't even know how he's feeling. Since he has been taught to ignore his feelings his entire life, how would he even have a clue as to what he is feeling as an adult man?

But men are allowed to be sexual. In fact, sex, anger, and humor are the only emotions our society allows "real men" to have. For most men, then, sex is the only arena in which they feel safe being openly emotional. In addition:

• Sexual activity solidifies their feeling of masculinity.
• Sexual acceptance is necessary in order for them to feel emotional acceptance.
• Sex is connection.

Sex (and lots of it) is not only encouraged in males, it is even considered a necessary proof of masculinity.

Have any thoughts on the above? Post them on our bulletin board.

Men relate through sex

Last updated: 8/05

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