Sexual Aversion

continued from

However, on your end, you have not done much to entice her, thus the chances of her saying 'No' are greater. To increase her desire, pay attention to your language and gesture. To increase her excitement, try the following:

• Look on-line at sex toys together, or wander throughout your house looking for items that you could use as toys.

• Talk about what turns each of you on.

• Reminiscent with your partner about a sexual adventure that the two of you had that turned you on

• Begin by massaging her hand. Bring her fingers to your mouth. Kiss the back side, then the front. Let your tongue linger. Continue massaging. Nibble on her fingertips, slowly taking her whole finger into your mouth.

• Massage her head. Play with her hair. Run your hands through her flowing hair. Slightly pull on it, as if you were putting her hair into a ponytail, massage the back of her neck as if you were making love to her.

• Rub her temples. Let your let your fingers wander over her eyebrows, down her nose, follow the ridge of her lips, slowly bend down and kiss her forehead, continue to massage her. Let her feel your longing gaze.

• As her head lays in your lap, back flat on the ground, rub your hands along the muscles directly around her clavicle bones. Massage her sore muscles, touch her outer shoulders, let your hands occasionally wander near her breasts - but avoid touching her nipples at all cost.

• Make her want you, make her feel so excited that she can not but help herself to grab your hands and place them directly on her. This is all about desire and anticipation.

• There is also simple kissing. Kissing that starts off slow and easy, which slowly builds up speed and intensity. Very few people actually complain of too much kissing. Too much mood building. Too much anticipation. Half of good sex is attitude. Remember back in the days when you had never had sex, and were kissing your first love for the first time.

advertisement

Kissing was super exciting. It may have felt like the gateway to everything else. Kissing was new, and for many lasted for hours on end. The kiss signified the beginning of an adult sexual relationship. This may not have been everyone's experience, but I think it is safe to say that for most people, the first kiss ever felt memorable and exciting. Please note, while very few people ever feel like they have overdosed on kissing, there is a time and place for fast hard passionate sex - that just does not include much kissing.

Again, having just done all this 'work' to entice her, she still may say 'No'. The idea of the other person being free to accept or reject brings us to the second important aspect of sexual initiation. The willingness to be rejected and not take it personally. Sometimes, people are just not in the mood. Maybe they are stressed out from work, enjoying their TV program, looking forward to sleep, hungry or just finished masturbating and are feeling sore. Sometimes a No simply just means No, and has no reflection on the person doing the asking.

Next: Peyronie's Disease

Written by Alex Robboy, MSW, QCSW, LCSW,CAS

"Alex" Caroline Robboy has been practicing therapy for over a decade. In 1996, she began specializing in sex therapy. Since that time she has published in journals and magazines, lectured to healthcare professionals and been featured in several national periodicals and books. Currently "Alex" Caroline Robboy practices couples counseling and sex therapy in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. "Alex" Caroline Robboy earned her Masters in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy from the University of Pennsylvania. Alex Robboy is an American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapist certified sex therapist, and an American Board certified sexologist.

Last updated: 10/05

top ~ pages 1 2 ~ next ~ send page to friend